Adolescence is an emotionally complicated time. You transition from childhood to adult life, facing many changes and new situations. It is very common for young people at this stage of life to feel lost, overwhelmed and frustrated, with difficulty managing their feelings. For this reason, many seek defense or evasion mechanisms, such as self-harm.
This practice does not have to be associated with suicide attempts, rather adolescents cause small injuries to feel physical pain with which to quell or alleviate their emotional discomfort. They can be cuts, burns or blows, generally in areas of the body where scars and marks are hidden by clothing.
When a parent discovers that their child is self-harming, they are invaded by many feelings such as worry, sadness, guilt, anger… To help an adolescent in this situation, you must first calm down before addressing your son or daughter.
Communication will be key to being able to help your teen if he self-harms. Find a time when you are both calm and receptive. You must approach the conversation calmly, from understanding and empathy. Do not scold, reproach, judge, criticize or raise your voice, as this would only make the situation worse.
Let your child know that you are concerned about his situation and want to help him, show yourself as a pillar of support and relief, not from a position of control or imposition. Generally, these episodes of self-harm are a response to an underlying circumstance for which the adolescent is suffering. It can be a problem with his friends or with a person he likes, a conflict at school, a trauma from the past, self-esteem or food problems, etc. Ask him how he feels, why he hurts himself, and how you can help him.
Finding the cause of your problem will be essential when it comes to remedying it. Make sure your child feels heard and understood, validate his emotions, and insist that you are there for him. If you do not understand each other in a first approach or he refuses to talk to you, do not insist or pressure him, he waits for another moment where he is more receptive and try again.
If the situation is serious and you cannot find understanding or solutions together, do not hesitate to get help from a specialized psychologist for young people. The therapy will help to discover why your child is self-harming, what is the root of her discomfort and how to make her feel better and stop the self-harm.
