How could it get to that situation? A question that often arises when witnessing the complex circumstances in which a person has been trapped. And it is always surprising that she preferred to exhaust all possibilities and alternatives, no matter how delusional they may be, rather than asking for help. But the truth is that there are those who find it very difficult to ask for favors. Unfortunately, the result can be that these people end up up to their necks in water or committing acts that they themselves know are wrong.
Achieving certain achievements and completing tasks and goals on your own brings with it a feeling of satisfaction. To feel valid and capable when solving certain obstacles or challenges without the help of others. However, this is not always possible. Sometimes you need to ask favors from others, and it is a positive thing. “We cannot do everything by ourselves and on many occasions we lack the resources to do so,” says psychologist Oceanía Martín Recio. In fact, encouraging yourself to discuss the problem with another person usually brings positive results, such as saving time and energy. That is, it is more effective. Despite this, many are not able to take the step, what is stopping them?
People who don’t ask for help or favors don’t believe they can do it. Or what is the same, it is not something related to the ability to do so or not, but rather that they do not consider they have that right. The psychologist explains that this usually happens because, at some point in their lives, they have learned that asking someone for help represents a symbol of weakness. And they have internalized this. So they tend to consider it their responsibility and feel guilty.
The root of this behavior is usually found in childhood and what was learned in the family and the education received. But it can also be due, equally related to the above, to low self-esteem. At other times, what can weigh the most is the feeling of pride. Or it could be due to past experiences in which they have tried to seek help and the result has been rejection.
“I didn’t try hard enough”, “I didn’t plan well” or even “I should have known this could happen”, these are some of the messages that are usually repeated over and over again in your mind, as Oceanía Martín shares. Strong. So they blame themselves for not being able to deal with the situation in which they find themselves trapped.
The consequences of this for people who are not able to ask for help are high levels of stress, which leads to their psychological and physical health being affected in a negative and harmful way.
