He sleeps restlessly, goes from his bed to the double bed, wakes up crying in the middle of the night, calls his mother or father from his room and it is very difficult for him to fall asleep again.
The dream of boys and girls can sometimes become the nightmare of mothers and fathers. Organizing it, turning it into a routine in which the whole family can rest is not always easy and, along the way, many nights can get complicated.
The psychologist, specialist in parenting, Sofía Lewicki, has offered Clarín a series of recommendations on child sleep.
“When we talk about sleep we are not talking only about a biological aspect, but rather all the culturally established ideas in relation to childhood sleep are opposed to this. Where, when and with whom should the children sleep”, explained the author of So bad if we went out.
Historically, in Western culture, the idea of ??sleeping in a different room and in solitude is linked to the concept of privacy, something that was introduced in the 19th century, the specialist pointed out.
“It has to do with this notion of an independent and self-sufficient subject, something more related to economic and productive models than to a deep knowledge of the biology of sleep,” said the psychologist.
This requirement towards boys and girls so that they can sleep alone is directly related to the intimacy of the couple. The expert mentioned that the family revolves around marriage and that the matrimonial bed is the representative of that intimate and sexual bond. “That’s why the idea of ??children sleeping with their parents is associated with something incestuous,” she said.
After clarifying that children will not be less autonomous by sleeping in their parents’ bed, Lewicki stressed that “the way we sleep is a cultural construction, so the need for the child to have a bed for him is a look that is contrasts with the physiological aspect of sleep”.
Regarding those families that practice co-sleeping, he emphasized, it is essential to clarify that they should not have sexual relations in the same bed or in the same room that is shared with those sons and daughters, whether they are asleep or not.
When making decisions related to the sleep of boys and girls, it is essential to take into account three factors: childhood, their moment of development and bonding aspects.
According to the psychologist, there comes a time when boys and girls begin to express some needs related to the notion of privacy, such as going to the bathroom and closing the door, bathing alone and even sleeping in their room (although at first it is probably not all the night).
This, he assured, can happen between the ages of 3 and 9, which is why it is necessary to face this moment with time and patience, since it is a process and not a practice that becomes definitive and unchangeable from the beginning.
The psychologist specializing in parenting stressed that “sleeping in one’s own room implies, at a minimum, having internalized the ability to learn to be alone knowing that the other is elsewhere, that is, being able to have a minimal notion of permanence on a psychic level”.
In that framework, he recommended:
Just as Lewicki valued respect when facing this process, he also highlighted a series of attitudes that mothers and fathers should avoid: