It is not easy to explain or define what exactly limerence is, because, like the people who suffer from it, it is difficult to define it. The community of psychologists shows consensus when it comes to considering it as the obsessive need that a person feels to be reciprocated by the person they love. So many specialists classify it within obsessive-compulsive disorders, but with an inclination towards love. In the case of psychologist Javier Ares Arranz, he leans more toward the perception of American expert Dorothy Tennov, who believes that the term “obsession” does not fully capture the meaning of limerence.
He defines it as a “cataract of thoughts” that “soak” the person, something that can occur at any time and completely suddenly. These prompt him to corroborate in any way that the love he feels for someone else is reciprocal. More than an obsessive-compulsive disorder, limerence would be a pathological mental state in which a first stage of falling in love would have derived.
Psychologist Javier Ares Arranz explains that you have to pay attention to three different aspects to identify a possible case of limerence. These correspond to the cognitive, emotional and behavioral dimensions.
In the case of the first of them, that is, that of thoughts, the specialist states that limerence is characterized by chained and intrusive ideas. “The person falls into the belief that, if he does not reflect on it, there will be less chance of her being loved,” he says. So a constant rumination is generated from which one is not able to get out.
Regarding the emotional dimension, people who experience limerence suffer from great anxiety when considering the possibility that their loved one does not feel the same way about them, that is, that there is no reciprocity. On the other hand, if they perceive any sign, whether in the form of words or an action, that the person might have the same feelings, their state goes to the opposite and they develop a state of great enthusiasm and joy. However, psychologist Javier Ares Arranz warns that these interpretations are often biased and unrealistic.
The behavior of people with limerence corresponds to that of someone who is jealous, who constantly needs to make sure that they are not being deceived or that they are not being unfaithful. Therefore, they are unable to avoid the impulse to demand proof of love or even to turn to third parties and ask them what they think. The specialist states that, when they see these verification needs satisfied, their emotional state suddenly softens and they enter a state of calm. However, this will always be temporary. “Limerence has the potential to coax a person into an infinite loop of instability,”
