Christmas is that time when we supposedly enjoy getting together with our family to celebrate, have a good time, share tender anecdotes and laughter. But sometimes these expectations are far from reality. This is the case of families where the relationship is more tense, with discrepancies, disagreements and even heated conflicts.
After all, you don’t have to get along or fit someone’s personality just because you’re related. There may be discussions motivated by disparity of opinions and irreconcilable differences that end up tarnishing the celebration. But don’t panic, we can try to calm the situation and have a peaceful holiday.
Therapist Jeff Guenther shares mental health content on his TikTok channel (@therapyjeff), where he has 2.8 million followers. On the occasion of these important dates, he has published a video where he gives three tips to calm yourself down when “you are hiding in the bathroom wondering how you can be related to those people” or, in other words, when disagreements and arguments with your family members stress you out, irritate or disgust. He does it, moreover, without any hot air when it comes to disqualifying those family members with whom we don’t exactly fit in well, giving his speech an ironic tone with which to take the edge off the tense situation.
This is widespread advice when it comes to calming anxiety. It consists of turning on the tap and placing your hands under the stream of cold water, so that your body temperature drops. As you do this, remind yourself that it is completely normal to not feel close to certain members of your family, even if they are biologically related to you. “Being related doesn’t force you to feel close to these idiots,” the therapist adds jokingly.
The next tip is to sit on the floor, with your back against the wall and focus on slow, deep breathing. “Embrace the reality that as you grow and evolve, your stagnant family will accuse you of being an asshole because you are abandoning their toxic system. It is easier for them to blame you than to face their own guilt for the pain they have caused. Remember: it is not your fault to strive to be a better person.”
Finally, he invites us to stand in front of the mirror and firmly recite the following affirmation: “My intention is peace and harmony. I will hold space for my family members without judging them, because I am a better person and I am proud of it. They are just doing the best they can. But let me be clear: if one more person crosses a clearly established boundary, I will politely excuse myself and never return.”