I used to be a traveler, one of those who take their backpacks and set out to see the world. Then he was a lecturer and participant in seminars and symposia. “Until one day I stopped seeing the point of having to cross continents to share ideas with my colleagues”, reflects via Zoom Svend Brinkmann, psychologist, philosopher and professor at Aalborg University, and who has become in a JOMO guru, the joy of missing things (for the English acronym) as opposed to FOMO, the fear of missing things.
Precisely La alegría de perderse las cosas (Koan), an intellectual exercise that talks about the art of self-control in an age without limits, is the title of the Danish writer’s new book, which is inspired by the Ancient Greece to address the problems of modern life.
Do we have to rethink the way we live?
Yes. Because in the 20th century the consumer society developed and we were left with the idea that a good life consists of consuming, experiencing and traveling as much as possible, a society of excess. The sociologist Zygmunt Bauman used to call it the credit card society, the society of excess, of abundance, so that you can consume and buy things even before you can afford them.
And what does he propose?
I think it’s obvious that we need to change, but this is extremely difficult. That’s why I think you need to explore a deeper happiness in a life where you stop chasing more and more all the time.
And is this possible on an individual scale? It seems difficult…
Very difficult. And that’s the weakness of my approach, because I formulate this a bit like a self-help book and I can make that effect that each individual has to change. And in reality it seems to me to be a collective problem, which demands political action. But, even so, we need to articulate a positive vision about a good life with less, so that it is part of the great conversation that a democratic society must address about how we should live together. Of course, as an individual, you can always do something about it.
And while we’re having this conversation, what do you suggest?
I can tell you about me, what was my turning point, when I started studying and reading about these studies that told me that if I made more money I wouldn’t be happier because I was already rich enough. My life changed. And I saw that, in reality, having more options does not make us happier. It will only cause us to have more doubts about what we choose. The psychologist Barry Schwartz already said that, at least in the rich democratic countries of the world, when we expand material options, people become less happy. You are taught that you are happy if you have something that is exclusively yours, but it turns out that is not true. It is much better to choose from three good things than from thirty.
What is a good life?
I cannot find a better definition than Aristotle’s eudaimonia, an activity of the soul in accordance with the virtues, and this means an active life, of doing, of exploring, of acquiring knowledge, of to love, to contribute to the communities you are part of. Therefore, you cannot be happy if you are a bad person. We must act in an ethical manner, with moderation, value and a sense of justice.
He is very critical of the movement to simplify life.
What happens is that this philosophy ended up becoming a trend and a big business. And I think that this is symptomatic of what is happening in today’s society, that even by trying to go against the problems you end up becoming part of the society you criticize. I have nothing against this particular move. I just think it’s a symptom of what happens and what can happen with my book, even. If the joy of missing things becomes a new trend I will have lost, in a way.
Hope JOMO doesn’t become a trend?
I do not know. All of a sudden, there’s a chance for it to blow up and become a big thing, a big trend. I don’t know, maybe after your interview with me, people will invite me to Spain to talk about the joy of missing something, and I will become a millionaire teaching how to live a life of missing something. This is the paradox.
How would you explain the joy of losing things?
It would be a life focused on what is really important, and you can only do that if you learn the skill of missing things, of saying no, of not overloading your calendar with projects and things to do. If you live like this, you might not despair when you see other people doing more than you at work or in any field. The fear of missing out is the idea that I compare myself to others and see that they do more than me, that they experience more than me, that they are more successful than me. And that makes me frustrated. Because then I think I have to change jobs, partners, cities, etc. And the joy of missing something is knowing that maybe what you need to live a good life is already here. Chances are you already have what you need if you focus on what’s already important.
The smartphone is the best tool for FOMO.
Yeah yeah. It is a technology that invites us to fear that we are missing something. It teaches us to never be satisfied with what we have because it bombards us with images of other people who are prettier, richer, who do more than us. It’s a comparison machine.
Think you’re already living a JOMO life?
The paradox is that, thanks to the books and the things I do, I am now invited to give interviews and talks, to write articles, and so it is very difficult for me to enjoy the joy of missing things. I wrote about it and created a problem for myself. So I can’t say that my life has taken a turn towards a calmer and more engaged way of life. So, I still have to read my own book to remind myself of what is truly important.
A slower life?
You could say yes. Quite a few sociologists have been analyzing what they call the great social acceleration of our times: we eat fast food, take energy naps, have speed dates… It’s really hard to find an aspect of life that hasn’t accelerated. Everything goes faster. And we’re tempted why settle for less when we can try more. How do I know I have what’s right for me if I haven’t tried everything yet? Well, you can never try everything. So you have to commit to something. How do I know it’s the right one? You can’t, but that’s life.
You advocate at the end of the book to find beauty in the simple.
I think we need to develop an ecology of action. I am very skeptical about being able to resist temptations. The only solution is to build an ecology of your life in which you are not tempted. Instead of teaching yourself how to resist the temptation to check your social media, then try not to be on social media. If you can’t resist the temptation to look at your phone, take it off. We need public places, parks, libraries, places to meet, to be together, to study, to work, to think…
