Children’s adolescence is a particularly delicate stage for parents. They must be helped to move towards adulthood, facing their greatest desire for independence. In addition, sometimes somewhat conflictive situations may arise, such as your teenager deciding that he wants to stop studying or you discovering that he steals money from you. This last problem is what concerns us here. To know what you should do if your teenager steals money from you, the first step is to determine the reasons why he does it.
From the specialized blog Positive Adolescence they point out that the adolescent is in the process of individualization, although their frontal cortex is still immature, so it is common for them not to control their impulses and this leads them to carry out certain antisocial behaviors such as stealing.
They note that the causes that can lead a teenager to steal are diverse. Such as your desire to show opposition to authority and independence, or a need to take risks in search of challenge and adrenaline.
It may also be that he does it because he has popularity among peers, either because of bravery in the face of risk or because of the possession of an object, and he steals to obtain it. The need to feel the acceptance of others by “buying” their friendship is another possible reason. As well as a feeling of not belonging, since if you feel disconnected from your family you can steal as revenge.
In the aforementioned blog they appeal to face the problem calmly, not to scold him, threaten him or punish him, so as not to turn the situation into a power struggle. Instead, they recommend starting by putting the teen in front of the facts. Instead of asking if he stole money from you, tell him directly that you found out and want to know what he spent it on.
You have to show compassion and, if at some point in your youth you stole money, it is a good time to share the teaching with your child. “It is not about minimizing the theft, but rather conveying that you understand that it was a mistake, and that you are going to treat it as such. And, above all, that this mistake does not invalidate him as a person: that he must assume the consequences, yes, but it is no less because of what he has done,” they emphasize from Adolescencia Positiva.
Along these lines, it is important to offer him a decent way out so that he can return the money to you, such as doing so little by little by deducting part of his pay instead of withdrawing it completely. Be realistic, he will need some money to continue covering his expenses, so taking away his pay would not be a good solution.
To prevent your child from stealing from you again, it is important that he feels your unconditional love, that you are realistic about the consequences of his actions and that you yourself be a good example. If the situation persists and becomes a serious problem, it is advisable to ask your pediatrician and a child psychologist for help.
