Guilt, like shame and pride, is part of the group of self-conscious emotions. That is to say, the feeling of guilt implies a personal self-evaluation, about something that we have done or have not done, which in turn causes a feeling of responsibility. Guilt is related to the norms of the society in which we live and the cultural and even religious values ??that have been instilled in each person.
Everyone ‘knows’ in what contexts they have to feel guilty, however, learning to manage the feeling of guilt and assuming it in a mature way is crucial to avoid the psychological damage linked to this emotion. That is why, when this feeling appears, we must differentiate between unhealthy guilt, for which we self-flagellate, and healthy guilt, which has the vocation of repairing the damage caused.
Insane or neurotic guilt can have multiple origins. According to the psychotherapist Adriana Reyes, it is common for parents to demand of their children, from an early age, certain standards or expectations that we end up assuming as unquestionable. When we reach adulthood and such demands have not been met, it is common for a latent feeling of guilt to surface. This emotion is in danger of becoming entrenched and becoming unhealthy guilt.
Neurotic guilt can somatize in our body in the form of headaches or contractures, but the worst consequences occur on the psychological level. It is a feeling that takes us to a dangerous comfort zone. In the case of having harmed a third party, we will avoid assuming responsibilities. The assumption of other people’s feelings or the overcoming of personal or vital limitations can also lead us to experience unhealthy guilt, for which we become engrossed in repetitive thoughts that prevent us from forgiving ourselves and moving on.
Healthy guilt is one that we assume rationally. For this it is essential to review our actions, take responsibility for our mistakes and try to amend them with serenity, never from the flogging. In this way, we judge our actions, never ourselves, and we try to find solutions to repair the damage caused. In short, it is about facing the guilt, to get even for it, asking for forgiveness from whomever it corresponds (to third parties affected or to ourselves) and trying to move forward.
Feeling guilty about what we have done and how we live is a driving force. It helps us to rearrange our ideals, know our defects and limitations, and take responsibility only for what we have done, which will surely give us a new and enriching perception of ourselves.
