I hadn’t heard the term slow dating, but it makes a lot of sense”, says Greta (this is not her real name), 26 years old, and explains: “At this moment, the truth is that I love meeting someone more more slowly I take the necessary time. I’m not talking to someone I just met all day. It seems to me that this burns the magic”. In a world traversed by immediacy, are more and more people tired of disposable relationships, who consider escaping the culture of discard and taking relationships on the slow fire? “I really like to take the necessary time to get to know the other person and be able to create a connection,” says Sebastián, 31 years old. Usually, if the first date goes well, they can share an interesting conversation, and if he also feels an interest, he likes to hang out again, not in a bar, but “doing something different, like going to the beach or walking “.
“I think that quality is increasingly prioritized over quantity when it comes to sex-affective relationships”, says sexologist Sílvia Catalán, and indicates that “with the explosion of dating applications a few years ago, fast relationships and casuals were very fashionable. And it’s true that it was a revolution, an opportunity to bond sexually with many people and have a good time.” Although he believes that people have gotten a little tired of the “What’s your name? What do you do? Come on, let’s go to work and then each of us at home”. In November last year, La Vanguardia published a report on how, after reaching its peak during the pandemic, the dating app business was collapsing. The young generation Z appeared as his main detractors.
For Greta, taking sexual relationships calmly means letting the sparks arise spontaneously. “Since I don’t really have a problem with meeting people, I prefer to get to know them through people I have in common, in outings, places, spaces or activities I do”, he says, and points out: “I don’t use apps of dating because I don’t like immediacy. I don’t enjoy flirting on Instagram either.”
Rocío, 30 years old, also likes meeting people off the screens more: “It depends on each person’s personality. I really like to socialize and talk to people. I love meeting a person face to face more. I like to meet people in a bar, a disco, a birthday party. In a conversation you can easily realize if this can go further”.
Slow dating brought to the world of dating apps would consist of “choosing your potential partners in a more conscious way. Take time in the profile of each person who catches our attention and look for the aspects between their tastes and photographs that tell us that they may be an interesting person to meet”, they say from Bumble, and point out that it is ” a movement that leads one in four users of that platform to challenge people who approach dating as if it were a job search”.
“Giving yourself space and having time to get to know each person depends on what you’re looking for,” says sexologist Sílvia Catalán. “You can be in a more sexual exploration phase, in which you interact sexually with several people, try, explore. Or at a time when you are looking for a long-term project or a stable relationship. The world of dating must go hand in hand with that of self-knowledge”, he clarifies. “I think – he adds – that it is important to know what you are going for and to be able to be honest”.
“Taking time to get to know other people depends on the moment in which each one is”, says Rocío for her part, and explains: “I am single, my priority is to do well in my work, rest well, spend time with my friends, to enjoy and adapt to Barcelona, ??the city where I have been living for a year”.
Today he does not intend to be in a relationship or to date. “I’m open for whatever has to happen. And if I know someone I can project and have a serious relationship with, great. But at the moment I am not in this situation, so I am not practicing slow dating. Yes, I have meetings with boys, but none of them interest me enough to go on a date and devote all that time and energy to it,” she explains.
Although today slow dating is not something that suits him, he does not rule it out in the future. “I think it’s something I would practice the day I meet a person I really like, I’m interested in, with whom I want to spend time, talk and go on a date,” he says.
For Sebastián, “as time goes by, we become more demanding and we like quality time. I don’t like wasting time on a date with someone I’m not interested in. I love being with my friends or family more.” When you meet someone who arouses your interest, you really like things to “flow”.
“When I meet someone I like, I do like to go more slowly and take the necessary time to get to know that person,” says Greta and clarifies: “I have several types of relationships. There are people I see occasionally, in a very specific way, with whom I do not consider having any kind of relationship. In these cases, they are people I know more superficially and I don’t get to talk more intensely because I’m not that interested.”
When there is real interest, the rush disappears. “In these cases, I prefer to go more slowly in all directions. If it’s nothing accidental, I love it more that sex is not something from the first night, but a more awaited, more beautiful moment”, he says, adding: “What I understood is that, if you go a lot of rush, you burn many stages. Then you find that you left a very beautiful part of the relationship, which is getting to know each other”.
Although this slow dating thing seems to go well with her, she doesn’t think it’s a trend in general, “at least people my age”, she says, and explains: “With dating apps and social networks I see that there is a lot of immediacy. I don’t feel like it’s something most people do.”
