“In the beginning, I preferred to skip the salary issue with my partner,” says Bernardita Pavani (26), project manager at Glovo. The Argentine has been living in Barcelona since last year, after accepting a job opportunity. “I came in a very good position and with a good salary. He was finishing his master’s degree and was just entering the Spanish labor market. It was never an issue. He pushes me to grow in my career. He tells me: ‘I have assumed that you are the more successful of the two and nothing happens’. For the first time, I experience it as something normal”, he says. In the past, there were many times when it did not meet with the expected reaction. “It was something that affected my love life,” he says.
“More and more women are occupying positions of responsibility and, therefore, earning more”, says Ana Bujaldón, president of the Spanish Federation of Women Managers, Executives, Professionals and Businesswomen (Fedepe). “This is a fact that can happen mainly in middle classes and with higher education”, explains the professor of anthropology and history at the UB, Bruna Álvarez.
Businesswoman Ana Bujaldón cites a 2021 study by Kowalewska (University of Oxford) and Vitali (University of Trento), which talks about the “penalty” suffered in their well-being by these couples, who report that they are less satisfied with the his life “In a minority of couples, although increasingly numerous, the woman has a ‘superior’ economic status (…). These female-breadwinner couples are more common in some countries (for example, Portugal and Spain) than in others (such as Norway and Switzerland), and represent one in twenty couples on average in European countries.”
“Man’s masculinity is being questioned because he is not fulfilling his social function, which is to be the main provider”, explains Vicent Borràs Català, professor in the Department of Sociology at the UAB and researcher at the Center for Studies Sociological on Daily Life and Work- QUIT and adds: “Women who earn more than their partners often pay a price. The percentage of women with this type of work who are separated, divorced or without a partner is much higher than for men”.
“The more responsibility, the more remuneration, but also the more dedication”, says Bujaldón and adds: “Heterosexual couples can be impaired when men feel a certain insecurity, as their traditional role as the main provider of the home is questioned or seen as to those primarily responsible for issues related to the house and children”. Therapist Lua Carreira agrees: “If men live gender roles in a very rigid way, they can feel incapable and have low self-esteem.”
“Many times I’ve been judged for earning more than my partners,” says marketing director Edita Lobaciute (32). Eight years ago I was living in Germany and had a boyfriend who worked in a clothing store, while she worked for one of the country’s leading real estate and technology companies. “I was earning twice as much as him and that made the relationship really uncomfortable. He felt like a loser, and I, almost ashamed of my salary. It was one of the reasons why the relationship ended very soon.”
For Clara (not her real name), 25 years old, it was also a reason for conflict with her ex-partner. She worked as a product director in a technology company and he worked as a marketing freelancer. “I earned twice as much as him but we never talked about it openly. I think that his humanity did not suit him particularly well”, he says.
Although this disparity is not a reason for discomfort for some couples, it does arouse comments from those around them. “My boyfriend left his job in Spain to come with me to New York, for a job opportunity. Since I was earning quite well, I took care of most of the expenses. My friends told me: ‘You’re their sugar mommy’ or ‘You don’t necessarily have to do it’. If it had been the other way around, no one would have noticed”, says l’Ánima (it’s a pseudonym), 28 years old, specialist in marketing.
Some women support the family economy. Zalihata Ahamada Lafeuille (44) is design operations manager at Glovo and also provides UX design mentorships. She and her husband are French and live in Barcelona, ??with four of their five children. “We started with the same kind of work in services. I decided to resume my studies and started working at the Orange company”, he explains, adding: “When my second child arrived, my salary was higher. We decided that my husband would reduce his working hours to 50% to take care of the children the rest of the time. I changed jobs many times while for him it was quite linear, because he was working part-time and his company did not recognize his skills”.
Borràs Català indicates that “there are very few cases where they act as housewives. While for the woman it is considered a valid option, for the man it means a deconstruction of his masculinity. There are usually external conditions that push him to make this decision. Generally, they have been expelled directly or indirectly from the labor market”.
When Zalihata Lafeuille and her husband moved to Barcelona, ??he took a sabbatical to take care of logistics and “do occasional jobs from home”. Both participate in household and care tasks. “We were always the two of us at the school meetings,” says Lafeuille, and explains: “They wrote to me from the school to ask me for things. It is assumed that the mother is the one who takes care of it, in the same way that at the bank they address my husband as if he is the one who pays the bills. It works differently in our house.”
“Even if he takes care of the day-to-day running of the house, she also takes care of it. If she gave up having a role in the home, she would be penalized”, says Borràs Català. “Directors and businesswomen tell us that they feel judged for being absent or not very involved in their children’s school activities, family events or medical appointments, even if their partner assumes responsibility and the needs of the minors are covered”. says Bujaldón.
“It is very difficult for parents to assume the role of main carers. Although the trend is for men to participate more and more, there is still a gap between the ground gained by women in the labor market and what they have assumed in domestic tasks”, says the anthropologist Bruna Álvarez. For her part, Lua Carreira indicates: “The woman can have positions of responsibility, even earn more money, but it seems that inside the house the roles have not changed that much.”
