Marijé Goikoetxea (Bilbao, 1961), PhD in Human Rights, psychologist and professor at the University of Deusto with a long career as a consultant in care ethics, thinks that the way of understanding a good old age has changed radically because people who are reaching old age they have been educated and lived with autonomy and are not satisfied with being entertained and having others decide for them. In addition, they are very diverse, they do not fit into a single mold: “There are no old people but old people”, he says during an interview with La Vanguardia on the 25th in Barcelona, ​​where he gave a conference organized by the La Caixa Foundation .
This “entertaining ageing” is contrasted with “meaningful aging”. What means?
Human beings must get our lives right, feel that what we live today is worth it. And if this is the maxim that drives us to do projects until we are 60, it can’t be that for the decades that follow we are told that it doesn’t matter if what we live makes sense or not. And that doesn’t mean doing something that makes us happy. Sometimes what makes sense makes you suffer, takes away your health or hurts your economy, but it’s worth it to you. Because if what we do is not valuable to us, it is very likely to end up with a syndrome of demoralization.
What kind of syndrome is this?
It is existential loneliness that ends up transforming into an anticipated desire for death because the person finds that what is left to live for is not worth it; or she senses that she will have to experience situations of suffering or that she does not wish to experience because others decide for her, or she finds that she does not have the resources to take care of her fragile situation.
How is it resolved?
It is difficult, what needs to be done is to prevent it. The Semper Acompanyats program of Fundació La Caixa has this virtue, which starts by detecting people with unwanted loneliness and connects them with volunteers, who, since they do not pay to visit them, make them feel that they are valuable for themselves, establish relationships of trust and it’s easier for them to come out and feel better.
What can we do to age satisfactorily?
From the age of 65, three phenomena will happen to most people: a crisis of personal identity, the loss of relationships and the appearance of deficits that will lead us to lose control over our lives to a large extent. You need to be realistic about this and consider how you will organize yourself to live this new stage in a way that makes it worth your while, see what supports you have to do it and see where you will find the supports you don’t have. Because we must take responsibility not only for our abilities but also for our limitations in order to be able to decide on our deficits and not let other people, perhaps with other values, take care of them.
What does it mean that an identity crisis awaits us?
What our society returns to us as an identity has a lot to do with working and professional life. If he asks me what I am, I will tell him that I am a psychologist and a teacher, so that, the moment I stop being one, the first question I will have to ask myself is ‘what am I’. Therefore, asking yourself this question, thinking about what will give me identity, is important. I can be an activist for the rights of the elderly. Or grandmother with full availability for my children… Everyone decides what will give them meaning in this life stage.
As for the loss of relationships, loneliness is a concern, but there are a majority who prioritize aging at home instead of places where they would socialize more. Because?
Because there your identity is maintained and, moreover, you are in a place that you control. In this way you find that you are more capable and love yourself more. In addition, the home holds your personal story and gives you more evidence that living has been worth living and can continue to be worth living. You don’t feel so alone because through the objects in the environment you establish emotional bonds with people who aren’t there.
One of the most repeated demands by the elderly is that they be allowed to grow old with dignity, that they are not discriminated against. Because? Are they treated badly?
Only those who do not love themselves are abused, and only those who do not value themselves are not loved. We have learned this in violence against women. That’s why if I have a society that loves me less because I’m older, I internalize that I’m worth less, then I’m loved less and treated worse: it’s a vicious circle. On the other hand, if I, a child or an elderly person, am a person who is taken into account, that I intervene in what happens around me, that my opinion is heard even if I am not always listened to, my self-esteem it will increase and I myself will tolerate less when someone ignores me. On the other hand, as with the gender approach, when you put on the focus glasses on the dignity of the elderly you suddenly discover that they are valuable and therefore deserve to be treated well.
How should this good deal be shaped?
The first is to recognize that person as unique, with a specific identity and a specific story. In other words, get to know her. And when you know her well, see what support you can give her so that her life is good. Some supports will be rights and others will not, and society will have to decide which ones, because it is not easy to decide things for everyone when each person is different. But at least we must establish one: the right to freedom, to guarantee that the person can continue to decide freely how they want to live. For example, if it is essential for me to live with the pet, I will have to think about how to achieve this, not to tell me that it is not possible in residences or in my circumstances and that is enough.
