Spain is the European country with more women who are mothers after the age of 40. The economic factor and the fear that motherhood will take its toll on work are some of the reasons that lead to late motherhood. Also the few grants and a social and labor organization that does not facilitate conciliation. On the other hand, there are supporters of delaying motherhood because they think that maturity and experiences are necessary as a step before this stage of life. And when the moment seems propitious, the biological clock gives a jolt of reality.
Women who want to be mothers arrive at motherhood later… and others fall by the wayside. Many end up resorting to assisted reproduction treatments, a physically and emotionally hard method that involves a significant outlay of money. Experts advocate giving more aid to encourage women to become mothers when they wish and stress the importance of preserving fertility.
Ciara Magdaleno, 43
“Conciliation is disgusting”
Before becoming a mother, this mathematician was very focused on her career and was “scared” of the price she would have to pay for motherhood. Despite this, at the age of 39, he and his partner decided to go for it. Ciara got pregnant with the first and gave birth to Gael a month after turning 40, the age that many women set as the limit.
This Catalan was clear that motherhood involves “sacrifice” and loss of freedom. He remembers his mother, Rosa, a teacher, striving to reconcile professional and family life and to preserve a “space of her own”.
His biggest fear was the labor toll. And he has found it after 17 years. A general thing among their friendships is the “frustration” they establish because men do not suffer this penalty. He has reduced working hours because “conciliation in Spain is disgusting”. And he values ??this right that allows him to have “quality time” with Gael.
Looking back, she would have been a mother a little earlier, because she worries about how she will be when her son is 25: “I’m afraid of not being there in important moments.”
Professor of Social Anthropology at the University of Barcelona Xavier Roigé points out that, although the lack of family policies or “socio-economic causes are decisive”, they do not explain by themselves “the extension of the vital project of being a mother” and low birth rates.
It is also necessary to assess the progress of fertility techniques or the emergence of new family models. This is the case of Marisol, who at the age of 43 is four months pregnant with a girl thanks to the fact that, at 37, she froze her eggs because “it wasn’t the time”. She ended up being a mother with her current partner. This nurse believes that it is essential to “preserve the ovarian reserve” because “it gives you the option to choose when to become a mother”.
Desirée Pastor, 45
“My challenges have been like those of any other woman”
“I met my partner at 38”, explains Desirée Pastor, who became the mother of a girl at 41 and a boy at almost 45. After a spontaneous loss in the first pregnancy, she had both children through in vitro fertilization.
She feels that age gave her the resources to go through a complicated postpartum period, after “having suffered obstetric violence” and feeling that she was forced to follow certain protocols “as if it were a high-risk pregnancy”, just because of the age
“Even in public medicine, the current protocols advise, just because you are 40, to induce labor at week 39”, explains the obstetrician and gynecologist at the Womer Centre, Merimer Pérez. The complications that can be associated with a full-term pregnancy are not insignificant, he says. After 40, the risk of miscarriage, preeclampsia or gestational diabetes increases, and that the child is born with a genetic alteration.
“Sometimes, I’ve felt quite overwhelmed. If it had happened to me when I was younger, I would have handled it much worse,” he confesses. “I don’t want to say that a 30-year-old woman is not ready.” She also feels that age has helped her better cope with the friction that the arrival of a child causes in a couple, the “impertinent comments or unsolicited advice”.
When you’re young, it’s harder to set boundaries. “The image of motherhood that we have is quite idyllic and then it has nothing to do with it,” she says, but adds: “My challenges have been like those of any other woman, it’s the same whether you’re thirty or forty.”
La Desirée is from Valencia, but lives in Benidorm. “Having or not having family support is not the same. My husband and I raise alone,” she says. Their job options are reduced to morning jobs.
Noemí Catalán, 49
“Motherhood is not an egg”
Motherhood sometimes doesn’t come. Noemí Catalán became Biel’s mother at 45 after more than a decade of trying to get pregnant. He wanted to be one before 30, but “you don’t find the right partner or he doesn’t want to and you end up at an age when you should have two children and you don’t have one,” he explains. He started trying at 33. He started solo with two inseminations and, after several partners, opted for assisted reproduction. She has undergone a total of 14 treatments alone and as a couple and has achieved this with 44 through embryo donation.
He assures that it was not difficult for him to “give up genetics”, but he admits that he made a list of pros and cons. And the pro that weighed the most was that she would be a mother. He has never hidden it and explains that he found a lot of support in his environment. A friend questioned her, but she defends that motherhood is not “just an egg”. He believes that the weight of genetics is not decisive because “you create and give birth to the child”. So he decided to get rid of his “prejudices” and move on.
She only sees benefits of being a single mother. She did not wish for such a late motherhood, but she believes that the path she has had to follow has allowed her to make a reflection that young mothers cannot do.
Noemí longed to be a mother so much that the working career did not matter so much to her. Coming from the tourism sector, she was fired four months pregnant and the pandemic caught her with a child a few months old. He had to change jobs and in 2023 he took the step to social networks with @noemicatalan_mamapordonacion helping women on the “path to infertility”. This job allows him to reconcile: “I do live shows with my son sleeping”, he explains. Neither his type of family nor his age condition his life. “I go to the park and make croquettes while younger mothers don’t,” she says. He hopes to live until he is 85 and that Biel “will have me by his side”. There are those who do not understand his decision, but believe that it is important to “respect”.
“The search for pregnancy begins in many cases between the ages of 35 and 40, when a woman’s reproductive capacity declines significantly,” says Anaïs Barcelona, ??perinatal psychologist.
Natalia Mattar, 43
“Work is your time to rest”
“Can I be pregnant at this age?” asked Natalia with the fourth positive pregnancy test in her hand. I was 42 and thought my childbearing years were over. Today her daughter is five months old and she returned to work a week ago. “It’s not more difficult because you’re more or less organized, but because you have less energy,” says Natalia. “Before, after the working day, I would go home and rest. Now you arrive and play, cook… Work is your time to rest.”
His partner (both are Argentinian) is self-employed and they plan their days so that one of them is always with their daughter. “It’s 24/7, because we don’t have a family support network nearby,” she says. Her mother came to help her during the first months of the girl’s life, when she suffered from depression. “Nobody talks about these things… but it’s hard,” he says. For her, her mother and the therapy at the Vall d’Hebron hospital were decisive.
“There is no scientific evidence that relates late age to depressive disorders or anxiety, while it has been linked to young people”, explains Anaïs Barcelona. He observes that his patients feel that they are “not missing out” as they have been through many different experiences. “Normally, they are women who have thought a lot about the decision. They are very involved and active mothers.”
Sonia Montoya, 47
“With the first loss, came the maternal feeling”
Sonia had never wanted to be a mother. But Carlos, her husband, did want a family. So at 42 years old and after eight years of being a couple, they started trying. After a year and a half they decided to seek help. She became pregnant with the first, at 44, weeks after confinement. She discovered that being a mother was a real desire when she experienced losses. “The scare made me realize how much I wanted it.”
Now she thinks it would have been worth trying at a younger age, although not much earlier: at 39 or 40. “I wouldn’t have liked to be a super-young mother. I’ve lived everything I wanted. Now I want to live the experiences as a family”. Being a late mother has made it impossible for her to give Edahi a brother. For her, having children at her age “gives you a point of maturity, although you also get more tired and lose more patience”.
To think that a child could be a brake on his professional career did not cross his mind and he does not think it has taken its toll. But she rules out positions that require her to be at seven o’clock in the evening attending to an incident or that force her to travel. Sonia explains that the assisted reproduction clinics say that you can have children until you are 50 and, although she believes that this age is already extreme, she does not dare to judge anyone. “You have to listen to your instincts and not think that you can’t be a mother because it’s too late.”
