What has he understood about the human being?
We all want the same things: happiness, connection with other people, affection. What divides us is illusion. And not all, but there is suffering that is optional.
Do you believe in happiness?
20 years ago I inherited the testimony of the longest and most thorough study of happiness in the history of Harvard University. We record couples and families in their homes to study their interaction and interview them separately, and I can give you the conditions that support happiness.
The study has been running for 85 years.
And what amazes me the most is the fact that good relationships protect physical health: how is it possible that a good relationship protects us against cardiovascular or joint diseases?
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At first we don’t believe our own data, but it is irrefutable. Good relationships are stress regulators.
Stress is part of life.
The problem is when it’s chronic, and we’re sure loneliness is a chronic stressor, the body keeps cortisol high and inflammation chronic, a situation that damages many systems in the body.
We live in the century of loneliness.
The study says that one in three people feel alone, it’s a pandemic! Especially in developed countries. In England there is a Minister for Loneliness because it is a very serious social problem.
I s’estén.
Also in India and China there is a lot of concern about the destruction of family structures.
Something doesn’t work.
The decline of social life began in the 1950s with the introduction of television into homes. But in 2005 there was a big decline in our social activity with the use of social networks.
We are in a moment of great fear.
Yes, it is very tragic. When I was a child we trusted the government, the neighbors. Now there is no trust, no community, and that creates unease.
What do we need to understand to be happier?
The importance of listening to the voices that make us trust the human being, and to be clear that taking care of social relationships makes us happier, without a doubt.
Even the superficial ones?
Of course, the relationship with the waiter who serves you the coffee, the person who sells you the bread, the cashier at the supermarket… these relationships make us feel that we are part of a human community, taking care to maintain them is the ‘attitude of the happiest people according to our study.
In close relationships is where there is more conflict.
No important relationship exists without conflicts, but if we can resolve them, and there are methods to do so, the relationship becomes more stable.
Human beings are short-sighted and violent.
Yes, but paradoxically most people are kind and compassionate. There are many good deeds in the world that we do not see. We see and read the news about conflicts and violence.
It’s true.
When I read the newspapers my well-being goes down. I have studied thousands of lives and the vast majority are good and peaceful people, but our brains are drawn to violence, it makes me very sad.
Taking care of yourself is another milestone of happiness.
People who take care of their health live 10 to 15 years longer. You already know: don’t drink, don’t smoke, do regular exercise, these are very important things for health and longevity. And it’s not my opinion, it’s scientific data.
To take care of your health you have to be excited.
If it is lost, the illusion is recovered, it is a crisis of the soul. There are people in our study who have no expectations of finding love or friendship, and they do. There are many surprises in life, and this is what we have seen in thousands of lives.
Does life hold unexpected surprises?
Yes. Life is never linear. Neither does mine. I didn’t want to be a psychiatrist but an actor and I found Zen by accident. Two pillars of my life.
Now you are a Zen master.
I have spent my entire adult life at Harvard, where intelligence, recognition, publishing are highly valued. And I have discovered that this is a delusion that makes us suffer, and that suffering is optional.
Any other significant data?
No one has perfect lives like Instagram edited lives. The myth of perfect happiness is a delusion.
What can we do for ourselves?
Prioritize relationships: They can be difficult, complicated, but the benefits are profound, except for toxic relationships.
