I don’t know if I’m in love or not. I know that I am with someone whom I love very much, with whom I feel very comfortable, very calm… and with whom I make a silly face every time I receive a WhatsApp message”, says the Eva (not her real name), 58 years old. Their story “began as an affair and now they have been together for more than two years. Can we fall in love after fifty? How do you live a new love at this age?
“Love and intimacy have no age limit. We can fall in love at any age,” says the international expert on ageism and healthy aging, Dr. Vânia de la Fuente-Núñez, explaining that, in addition, romantic relationships are associated with real health benefits, such as a reduced stress, lower blood pressure and higher levels of oxytocin, the feel-good hormone.
“It can be an incredibly enriching and satisfying experience. If he is a person who has been learning from his experiences, it will help him to know what he wants and what he is looking for in a partner, and will make it easier for him to have deeper, positive and meaningful relationships”, says psychologist Júlia Pascual, although she clarifies that “there are also many people who have not taken advantage of previous experiences to develop emotional maturity”.
“We are capable of falling in love at any stage of life, but falling in love is experienced in a different way”, says relational psychologist and UOC professor Enric Soler, and points out that “it will be a mature infatuation, with the serenity and the wisdom brought by lived experiences. Irrational beliefs, such as the myth of romantic love, should have been abandoned by now.”
“At 18 I was ready to leave everything for someone, and now at 58 I wouldn’t leave anything for anyone. Yes, I would share things with that person”, explains Eva. “It’s no longer about losing your mind or doing anything for love. It’s about complementing each other. You like being with her, but keeping who you are and what you want to do. You prioritize your freedom more.”
“If the person has reached an emotional maturity, this gives a lot of freedom of choice. When you have less need to be with a partner because you feel good about your relationship with yourself, you have more freedom to decide what to do with that crush,” says Pascual.
“This is the most authentic and intense relationship I’ve had, and in which I’ve felt the most love,” says Marisa (pseudonym), 50 years old. Its story began a year ago, through a neighborhood application. “It wasn’t a sudden infatuation. At first I didn’t notice any special attraction. What I felt was a lot of comfort. We had similar ages and a lot of affinity in thought. We started to hang out more and more and I started to like him”, he explains.
“Yes, falling in love at this age changes, but there is still excitement”, says Marisa, and points out: “Even if you like the other person, admire them and want to be with them, you don’t idealize them so much It is not the center of everything.
“In maturity, we fall in love in a way that is more in line with reality. We’ve had time to learn to mold ourselves, free ourselves from stereotypes, build more realistic expectations and tolerate disappointments much better”, says Soler.
“Falling in love is different. But the illusion of answering a message or of that first date is not lost, no matter how old you are”, says Rosa (fictitious name), 51 years old, while waiting for a speed dating event to start, in which people of the same age group have microcytes waiting to be able to do a matc h .
“I do believe that you can find someone after fifty. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be here”, says Alba, 53 years old, another of the participants: “I’m trying different things, apps, speed dating… but I find it quite difficult. You become more demanding, you have more responsibilities and you are burdened with previous experiences”, he says. She has “a single-parent family” and, now that her daughters are 19 and 20 years old, she is open to living a love story. “Now is a bit my moment”, he says.
Outside the hotel, the group of boys gathers. Jordi, 58 years old, also believes that “it is difficult to find the right person. We are becoming more demanding. But I’m sure you can. I lived it with forty and many. You never know what you’ll find when you leave home.”
Àlex (52), believes that “there is no age to fall in love. But falling in love is not the same as finding a partner. This is more difficult, because we have more backpack. Maybe you already have kids, you’re divorced, you have a mortgage that you can’t pay… when you tell a woman that, she runs away. It’s not easy, but I’m not throwing in the towel.”
