"They are not bought babies": families talk about surrogacy

Neither “surrogate motherhood” nor “bought babies”, say people like María, who had a son 17 years ago now. She later wanted to be a mother again. She could not. All four of her pregnancies did not come to term. On the fourth occasion, after in vitro fertilization, the baby died “at 34 weeks, with everything ready.” Plan B was to adopt, “but that’s not always easy: they rejected us because of the grief we had gone through.”

Plan C was surrogacy. Her daughter is now five years old. The couple went to Ukraine, a highly stigmatized country “and with healthcare and regulations that, before the war turned everything upside down, were much better than they want us to believe.” The woman who gestated for her “speaks English and had a job, a salary, a house and a very good education.” Her name is Liuba and the two families keep in touch.

“Liuba has lived in Poland since shortly after the Russian invasion. I know families that have brought the women who helped them to Spain. After several caesarean sections and failed pregnancies, the doctors told me that she could not be a mother again. I was in the delivery room, as soon as my daughter was born they put her on my chest and she brought my milk up. She had been stimulating me since two months before. I was able to breastfeed my daughter!”

Sonia Ruano has two seven-year-old twins and is the spokesperson for the association They are our children, made up of families that have been created thanks to surrogacy. “Talking about surrogate motherhood is a mistake. What is subrogated is not maternity, but the ability to gestate. And using terms like surrogacy is a foul insult.” “We are very grateful to Ana Obregón”, says this coach, therapist and mediator.

“Welcome any media noise that allows a debate on this unstoppable reality that needs to be regulated. But our politicians promote hate speech and do not take the bull by the horns, as other countries little suspected of promoting the exploitation of women have done, such as Great Britain, Canada or the USA, where they were born. my daughters, who have dual nationality”.

“The Minister for Equality, Irene Montero, and other politicians criminalize us and imply that all women who surrogate their ability to gestate are in a precarious situation. Please inform them! Can there be unethical cases? Of course! That is why regulation is so urgent and that surrogacy can be done here, without families having to mortgage themselves for life by going to other countries”.

Toni (fictitious name of a highly recognized and respected professional in his sector) believes that the case of Ana Obregón has greatly clouded this debate. “The question should not be surrogacy yes or no, but surrogacy how and under what conditions”. His and her couple have two daughters, born to the same woman in 2018 and 2021. “When we went to the United States for her sister, the older one accompanied us.”

“Everyone is against organ trafficking, but considers donation commendable. Why is it different here? My wife has a co-worker who would be willing to help infertile couples, but she can’t. Those couples will have to do like us, go abroad. The more this process is regulated and transparent in Spain, the more the rights of pregnant women and minors would be protected”.

Terri, the woman who helped them, was already a mother and wanted to lend a helping hand to another who couldn’t be. Both families maintain contact, like all those in this report (even those who have refused to appear). “The eldest says that she came out of another woman’s pancha. And soon the little girl will say so too. We call each other regularly and send photos. Terri has wanted to give her child a sister and she is pregnant again ”.

When Terri, who lives in Pennsylvania, learned of the expenses Toni and her partner had to face, she asked them to lower their compensation for medical expenses and insurance. “That dismantles the cliché that there is no altruism in this process, that all women are exploited or do it out of necessity,” adds this father. María and Sonia confirm it. “I wish I had a house like Kristin’s in Chicago,” says the second.

Marco (fictitious name) is reluctant to talk about the experience that culminated with Luca in his arms and those of his partner. What he hears about Ana Obregón upsets him. “It hurts me a lot. Not for us, who are adults and know why we did it, but for my son. And for her surrogate mother, whom everyone now defends without knowing anything about her, ”he points out. “Where are the surrogate farms they talk about?” He gets angry.

Marco’s experience is very positive. “I think you have to differentiate a lot what happens in Canada or the United States from what happens in other countries like India. They are putting everything and everyone in the same bag. And there are huge differences.” In the US, surrogacy is regularized and entails judicial supervision. “That changes everything. The surrogate mother passes many exams, physical, mental and financial.

The process lasted six years and helped them get to know each other a lot (they call the United States every week and travel there frequently). Eggs that did not fertilize and embryos that did not thrive. And, in the middle, the covid, which paralyzed everything. Luca was born at the end of 2021. His parents have no words to describe his happiness. “Many will not understand it, as I do not share what others do. But please, at least respect the children. They are not bought babies.”