It often happens that we are much more accurate when it comes to advising people around us about their problems than when it comes to solving our own. In the popular proverb, we find two references to this situation: “I sell advice that I don’t have for myself,” and that of “seeing the speck in another’s eye, but not the beam in your own.”
To cite some examples, we could note repeating to a friend that they should leave their partner with whom they are not happy, but you cannot take the step in their same situation. Or advise a family member to impose limits on her work while you are unable to do so. These types of situations are included in what is known in psychology as Solomon’s paradox.
Solomon was a famous Jewish king known for his wisdom. People from different places came to him in search of his accurate advice. However, he was not as successful in his personal life, as a series of bad decisions ended with the division of his kingdom.
For this reason, Solomon’s paradox refers to when we are much more skilled at advising others in their problems, providing them with comfort, help and support, while we are not able to apply the same lessons to ourselves in person. This happens because we are able to reason better when situations do not affect us, our feelings and emotions are not involved and we will not suffer the consequences, so we can be more objective.
However, when it comes to a problem that concerns us personally, we are emotionally involved, so we approach it subjectively and not so realistically or pragmatically.
A study available in the National Library of Medicine explored Solomon’s paradox by conducting an experiment in which participants were asked to imagine what they would do if their partner were unfaithful. Afterwards, they asked them to distance themselves from the problem, imagining that it was someone else who had suffered the infidelity.
Analyzing the questionnaires, they found that distancing oneself from the problem eliminated the asymmetry and, therefore, self-distancing allows people to reason more wisely. Furthermore, the research showed that this paradox has the same presence in young and older adults, so age does not attenuate this phenomenon. Therefore, there is no age difference in wise reasoning about personal conflicts versus those of others.
Other research, available on the same portal, confirmed that participants showed more effective wise reasoning strategies when resolving the social conflicts of others than when it came to their own. “Solomon’s paradox can be explained by the difference between positive affect and self-transcendence when reasoning about the two conflicts,” states the study, which also corroborated that the state of mind also has an impact on this paradox.
