Seeing how an ex who was afraid of commitment uploads a photo of the keys to the house he bought with his new partner is something difficult to digest. Especially when he didn’t usually share content on social media about your relationship. You may have unknowingly been a bridge person or a workshop person, a phenomenon that is only recognized after the end of a relationship. This is how people are defined who have repaired engineer people to behave just as they wanted, but with their new partner.
Bridge people are characterized by having experienced a relationship with someone who is in a different emotional situation, who has been told in what aspects they need to improve. These are generally toxic and unbalanced relationships in which the bridge person endures the emotional irresponsibility, lack of communication and even the infidelities of the other. Along the way, these people make an immense pedagogical and emotional effort to achieve a change in attitude in their partner that, however, will materialize in the relationship that they begin with a third person.
After investing time, energy and emotions in shaping the behavior of an ex-partner, the most painful thing for the bridge person is to see how it is like another person who enjoys this change in attitude. It is common for feelings of guilt or the feeling of not being enough for the other person to surface. However, these thoughts are completely biased, since past experiences are a degree that defines the current personality, as explained by psychologist and sexologist María Rodríguez Vidal in an article on esmental.com
Bridge people usually feel logically deserving of living the desired relationship with the repaired person. Observing how another benefits from their emotional work usually generates feelings of frustration, anger, helplessness and injustice among these people. However, it is impossible to know with certainty if this is actually the case, since not all of us have the same needs in a relationship. The same aspects that may be important to some people may be insignificant to others. That is why it is a mistake to compare yourself with others.
In any case, no one is anyone’s prize. The only reward that the bridge person should extract from these relationships is the peace of mind of having done everything possible to make it work. Furthermore, the fact that the other person has modified the behaviors that were required of them means that they listened to the needs of the bridge person.
