Have you ever warned your child of a disproportionate punishment so that he obeys you? Picking up their toys, doing their homework or finishing eating before leaving the table are things that every child must learn. However, threats are by no means the correct method to educate children, as they are ineffective and can cause self-esteem problems and difficulties in assuming responsibilities in the future.
Stress, tiredness or lack of time associated with work are among the reasons that lead parents to make an impulsive response when they see something their children have done that they don’t like. It is true that your children have to see you as an authority figure, but for this it is not necessary to resort to fear and transfer that load of stress to them. After all, anger passes and there are more effective formulas to educate positively.
When you threaten your child with an excessive punishment that, surely, you are not going to comply with, you are transmitting a dangerous message: that their actions have no consequences. The inconsistency between the warning and the final result will result in the worst case in the loss of respect on your part, so getting carried away by the heat is not a good idea. The more you use threats, the less effective they will be, since the children will try to avoid punishment instead of obeying, according to psychologist Mara Amor López in an article for the blog Eres Mamá.
Maintaining an authoritarian stance will not favor a pleasant family life either. In fact, one of the dangers of threats is that your child learns to use them in some other life context, such as school, or tries to rebel against them in the short term. The stress and constant fear to which children are subjected will also be a significant harm to their personal development.
There are much healthier ways to earn your children’s respect and make them obey you. Before you speak, put yourself in the child’s place: they probably don’t understand the importance of having a tidy room or having manners when eating. Try to explain the importance of these rules, in a less aggressive context, so that the child reasons and learns that what he has done is not right.
Try to exercise positive authority, that is, instead of imposing a punishment on your child, such as not going to the park for not doing homework, suggest possible solutions with which to make amends. It is important that you do not cross the line of respect from both parties and listen to the reasons of the children so that they feel that their opinion also matters.
