Sweat, palpitations, dry mouth and the always telltale blush on the face, some of the main symptoms of embarrassment. Everyone has suffered from it at some point in their life, especially in their youth. However, while for many it leaves behind nothing more than anecdotes and learnings, for others it means something that even limits them in their daily lives. In these cases, we could be talking about pathological shame, which should already be considered a problem.
But what exactly is shame? Psychologists Juan del Valle and Lucía Carmín define it as a “feeling of one’s own unworthiness” that is due to a humiliation received or due to a mistake made. However, specialists differentiate between two types: that which appears as a direct reaction to objective humiliation, for example, when questioned; and the one that arises without a real external offense, that is, it is nothing more than a response to the fear of suffering ridicule or humiliation. Behind which lies a fear of rejection.
Psychologists explain that this has to do with the so-called anticipatory fear, or what is the same, thinking that in a specific situation something bad is going to happen, even if you don’t even know what exactly. In this way, one lives with a continuous fear that one’s actions are going to become the trigger for something negative, even though there may not even be real reasons. And this is especially noticeable in social environments, when shameful people are fearful of possible social rejection. The result? The appearance of the feeling of shame.
Its function would be to protect the person against a hypothetical humiliating situation. However, this brings with it a series of disadvantages, such as the limitations to which that person is subject. Not only is this not a healthy way to manage fears, but it directly affects the way people relate to each other and represents a whole series of obstacles along the way. All this for the simple fact of wanting to avoid being humiliated. But, at the same time, this protection measure means that opportunities and the possibility of living all kinds of valuable experiences are lost.
Making decisions more freely, knowing oneself better, exploring different hobbies and tastes, there are many aspects that are left aside simply because it is shame that takes the reins of these people’s lives. In these cases is when it becomes a problem.
