Having children is a challenge when it comes to maintaining friendships. Especially if there are no other mothers in your circle who are going through the same thing as you. Lack of time, fatigue, the logistics of making plans to have a baby, concerns related to the care and upbringing of your son or daughter… All of this works against the current of your social life.
But just because it is more complicated does not mean it is impossible. You can maintain friendships after becoming a mother and continue socializing, even if it is in a different way and adjusting to your new life. On the portal specialized in pregnancy and motherhood The Bump, Katherine Martinelli, mother of two children, shares a series of tips for keeping your friends after having a baby.
It is true that not all situations are appropriate for children, but as much as possible, include them in your social plans. Martinelli’s advice is to carry your little one in a baby carrier, as this is more comfortable and you also prevent other people from touching him if you don’t want to.
Keep in mind that occasionally he or she may not be as well behaved as you would like, but patience and flexibility will help. Furthermore, if they get used to it from a young age it will be much better and they will know how to behave in public spaces such as restaurants. Another recommendation is that you bring toys and paints to entertain them and thus avoid resorting to screens.
You have to be realistic with expectations. Adapt the plans and spaces to your child’s needs. For example, perhaps a concert is not a good alternative, nor is a fancy restaurant. Don’t force situations.
A good option is to invite your friends to your house and take the opportunity to catch up when the children are sleeping. Likewise, the author of the article suggests that, if you have a partner, you take turns spending time alone with your friends. “Spending quality time without children like this is both an act of self-care and a safe way to maintain relationships,” she stresses.
In addition to maintaining your previous friendships, it is helpful to make new friends who are also mothers. “It’s comforting to talk to someone who is also going through dirty diapers and sleepless nights,” Martinelli acknowledges. Finding understanding from other mothers will ease your pressure.
Don’t leave aside your friends’ problems, celebrations and life events. Even if you don’t have much time, a text message asking how the other person is doing or telling them that you remember them will help strengthen the friendship. And finally, appreciate, value and be grateful for the support of your friends, who have surely helped you in this new stage.
