Although many people have an innate talent for flirting, for others this task is much more difficult. Either because of modesty, complexes, fear of rejection, or even laziness to make that social effort. There are those who flee from this type of situation, those who get nervous and start saying nonsense things, it makes them laugh lightly… There are even those who unintentionally respond with hostility.
However, in that flirtation lies the beginning of any sentimental relationship. Whether it is by chance –for example, at a party–, or if it is explicitly searched for –through a dating application–, everything starts with a flirtation that, of course, must be mutual. Unfortunately, science has shown that we often don’t realize when someone is trying to flirt with us.
Psychologist Teresa E. DiDonato echoes in an article published in Psychology Today of a study carried out in 2014, in which researchers cited strange people in a laboratory. They asked the research participants to talk to each other for 10 minutes and then asked them questions about the interaction in private.
The main result they obtained from their research is that both men and women are clumsy when it comes to detecting flirting. Specifically, the participating women were only 18% accurate in identifying flirting. For men, the percentage is slightly higher, with 36% accuracy in detecting when they were being flirted with. That is, in most situations, we are not aware that someone is trying to flirt with us.
Now, where we are quite lucid is in the task of discerning when someone is not flirting with us. In this case, women were 83% accurate in considering that someone was not flirting with them, while the percentage for men was 84%. Thus, it is demonstrated that, by default, we are very aware that someone does not want to flirt with us, but we do not realize when that interest or attraction does exist.
The psychologist lists different clues that help detect real flirtations, based on certain investigations. First, she urges you to look for non-verbal cues, as body language can say a lot. “Research suggests that people engage in certain behaviors that together can communicate romantic interest,” says Teresa E. DiDonato, citing gestures such as smiling, leaning forward, touching someone, or making eye contact as examples.
We must also pay attention to verbal flirting. The psychologist notes that we are good at interpreting sexual interest based on compliments, as well as open references to being single and the use of mild sexual innuendos. However, we must not forget the consideration of the context. Scientific evidence suggests that flirting is more likely to take place in sociable places, with alcohol involved, and when there are common interests.
