It is well known to all that children need rules and limits to develop in a healthy way. They are a guide for them and give them security to face the world. But how to set those limits?
Experts indicate that the key is to establish rules and limits without resorting to threats, punishments, shouting and blackmail. Not even for prizes, since all they do is accustom children to doing things for external reasons. Therefore, it must be done with firmness, affection and respect.
Traditionally, families have exercised an authoritarian model in which children obeyed out of fear of punishment. As a contrast to this parenting style, many parents have gone to the opposite, a permissive one in which the limits are not clear, nor are the consequences if they are not met.
Permissiveness means a lack of guidance for children and causes them to feel lost and confused. At the opposite extreme, which would be authoritarianism, there is a tendency for children to have low self-esteem, little control, and a lack of social skills. Although they are opposite styles, both cause serious behavior problems.
Diana Baumrid, a renowned developmental psychologist from the University of California, proposed three types of educational styles depending on the degree of control that parents exercised over their children: authoritarian style, permissive style, and democratic style. This classification has become a reference when it comes to defining the types of parenting and places the third style as the best alternative to educate children.
The democratic style seeks a balance between being authoritarian and being permissive. The basis is to educate from respect, firmness and love. Experts recommend following a series of guidelines to be an authority figure, without being authoritarian.
It is essential to establish clear, consistent and fair limits from an early age. In this way they understand that there are rules and that they cannot always get what they want. This is how they learn to handle frustration.
It is advisable to look for agreements and deals so that they feel part of the rules that are established at home and thus learn to comply with what has been agreed.
Of course, there is a basic rule for education: He should not be non-negotiable. That is the reason why you have to think carefully before using it, since giving in after saying no is a serious mistake that what it does is generate confusion.
