Undoubtedly one of the most unpleasant conflicts between couples are those that are due to disagreements with in-laws. Feeling in the middle of a situation of permanent tension between your partner and your parents (or your siblings or your cousins) is not a good taste dish for anyone. You may even have come to think that your partner does not love your parents. But have you thought about the real reasons for this circumstance and the part of responsibility that you can attribute to your parents?
Most of the time it is not that your partner “doesn’t like†your family for no apparent reason, but it is more likely that they feel uncomfortable, there is a lack of mutual feeling or, much worse, that they feel rejected by their in-laws or his brothers-in-law This lack of appreciation has a number of common causes, which you must identify before trying to change the dynamics of these relationships.
In a large part of the occasions, it is the parents-in-law who place the first barrier to develop a fluid relationship with their sons-in-law. If your family is obsessed that your partner “doesn’t like it”, it is more than likely that your partner will end up noticing this rejection and, as a consequence, that they will not like your relatives either. That mutual dislike can be accentuated, even more if possible, if your family thinks that you deserve to be with someone with better faculties. Your partner will end up detecting this perception, a fact that can affect their self-esteem.
Disagreements may have a less violent origin and may simply be due to a lack of common interest. That your family and your partner have a totally opposite way of seeing life is a reason for the lack of sympathy between the two and the lack of willingness to spend time together. That is what can lead you to think that “they do not love each other.” Disagreements can also be due, on the other hand, to excessive interference in married life by your parents, to the point of being overwhelming for your partner.
Clearly, the best way to deal with this conflict is to stop shying away from it and intervene in it. A bad relationship between your partner and your family will end up being a slab for your relationship, so both of you must do your part to reverse this cooling off. First of all, your partner can make your relatives see that they have the wrong opinion of them. One option is to try to get closer to them little by little, ask them directly if there is a problem, lay the foundations for fluid communication to iron out any rough edges. Later, you can try to organize an activity all together, in a relaxed atmosphere, with the aim of generating a space of empathy and mutual trust.
As for you, nothing to choose between your family or your partner: you will have to mediate and defend it. Before talking to your family, it is vital that you do so with your partner so that they can let off steam and thus find out how it affects them emotionally and exchange impressions. Once you have your siblings or your parents in front of you, do the same: express your feelings about this circumstance to them and listen to their version: why it makes them uncomfortable, what did they find bad about it. The ultimate goal is for them to understand that your relationship as a couple is as important to you as your family life and that, in order not to give up either of them, you would like them to get along.
