An argument with a relative, a friend or your partner can plunge you into deep emotional discomfort. From sadness to anger, through remorse, those who, if not to blame, are at least responsible for the conflict have only one option: ask for forgiveness. Pride, stubbornness or a bad attitude can entrench this type of conflict over time, which must be addressed with sufficient maturity to recognize one’s own mistakes.
A common mistake when asking for forgiveness is putting the focus on the other person instead of yourself. Choosing the right words will help you make amends for anger or disappointment, without falling into a reproach loop. This is what you should never do when apologizing.
By adding a ‘but’ to your apology, you are invalidating what you said before and drawing attention to what comes next. Saying “but I didn’t mean to” does not justify the damage caused at all, so if you really want to comfort the other person, it is better to avoid this conjunction and say: “I’m sorry for what you had to pass”.
Blaming the other person is not consistent with assuming your share of the blame. To ask for forgiveness, you must put your pride aside and be as honest and humble as possible. ”I’m sorry it hurt you” is not the best way to formulate an apology. The feeling of pain between people is free and, therefore, to make peace, you must be the subject of the sentence in which you acknowledge your mistake: “I apologize for my behavior, I was wrong.”
Although the context will determine how you should proceed, after a fight it is best to give the person who has been offended a margin of time and space before saying “I’m sorry.” This margin will allow the other to cool down and see the situation from another perspective.
Sometimes a little margin will allow you to realize where you have failed. The tone and words are decisive when assuming your slips. It is not the same to say “Time has run out on me” than “I’ve been busy, the next time I can’t meet, I’ll let you know beforehand”. On the other hand, waiting for the moment to apologize will only aggravate the situation.
Appearing ironic or unsympathetic when apologizing is counterproductive. Attitude is important when asking for forgiveness, and if you say “I’m sorry”, you have to really mean it. Otherwise, you will not do anything other than generate distrust in the affected person and pretend that you do it because you have no other choice.