When you regularly deal with someone at work, at home or anywhere else, there may come a time when that person does something that you think is objectionable, could be improved or incorrect. Then you find yourself with the dilemma of whether to say it or not. And if you decide to communicate it, you have to think about how you do it so that they don’t take it badly.
They are those types of situations in which you have to start with that “let’s see how I tell you this…”, and the other person knows that they will be reprimanded. For your part, you sense that it will probably affect him negatively; but if you don’t take the step, the problem will not solve itself.
According to Elia Roca, a clinical psychologist at the Hospital Clínic Universitari de Valencia and author of the book How to improve your social skills, the sandwich technique is a way of facilitating communication in situations in which it is convenient to say things, but you know that the other will say it. can take bad
“If you remain silent too much, you feel bad and communication also suffers. But, on the other hand, if you say it as you think, without filters, the one who will feel bad will be the other person and it will make the relationship worse”, explains Roca. “And it doesn’t have to be a criticism, it can also happen with a simple discrepancy.”
The lecturer at the Faculty of Psychology of the University of Barcelona, ??Macià Buades, acknowledges that there are specific studies that support the technique, although others do not see it so positively because it can be confusing.
“We know that people tend to remember better the first thing they hear in a speech or the last thing they hear,” he explains. “Seen like this, the person may remember more the praise at the beginning and the end, and not so much the criticism you make.”
If we are not used to using the technique, we will have to prepare the speech a bit, especially to say the most delicate things. You need to find a balance. And if you get used to going through life with that attitude, there will come a time when it will come out alone. But you may have to work at first.
“If we are saying things as they come out and we are hurting the feelings of others, in the medium or long term, the relationship will not work; then you will need that person for something and you won’t have them”, warns Roca. “But, on the other hand, if you say everything sweetened and you only seek empathy, but you do not look out for your interests and you do not finish saying what you have to say, they will end up lifting your shirt.”
Buades recommends a slightly different strategy, which should not necessarily include criticism after the first compliment, but should be a “positive-specific-motivating” formula. “In other words, start with something positive, something specific about how it should be that has to be improved – without affecting the fact that the other has done something wrong – and then you say something that motivates and helps focus future work” he explains.
To complete the sandwich technique, Roca has described a strategy for dealing with difficult people, which she has named MAP (Show Agree Whenever You Can). It would consist of reaffirming the other’s discourse whenever possible, qualifying what is necessary to reorient what you consider. In this way, instead of disagreeing, the receiver will not feel attacked and communication will be much easier.
This article was originally published by RAC1
