Faced with everyday doubts in parenting, parents no longer resort to the experience of grandparents, nor to the professionalism of pediatricians, nor to books. Today the main references are on the internet. In the United States, a survey by the C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital – which analyzes parenting dynamics in the country – has revealed that 84% of mothers and 69% of fathers, with children ages 0 and 4, seek advice on social networks.
Instagram, TikTok and YouTube have become the place where they learn about issues such as toilet training for their children (44%), sleeping methods (42%), feeding and breastfeeding (37%), discipline (37%), behavioral problems (33%) and vaccines (26%).
Those responsible for the survey, endorsed by the University of Michigan, detect a “notable increase” in this trend since the last one was carried out, in 2015. If that year those who informed themselves on social networks were “more than half of the mothers and a third of fathers”, are now “the majority of mothers” and “more than two thirds” of fathers.
“In effect, today parenting is no longer learned from the environment or from the experience of your parents, but rather it goes to the Internet, where those other fathers and mothers are, with whom it seems that there is a one-on-one relationship,” explains pedagogue Anna Ramis.
For this specialist in screens and childhood, the key to the success of these new references is immediacy. The Internet offers information “in a fast and changing way” and today parents add: “They have little time and go to very practical things: they look for tips and short videos.”
Many of these parents are digital natives, so this trend should not surprise us. The Internet provides the speed to which they are accustomed, in addition to that “sharing” experiences that characterizes social networks. For all these reasons, the “when in doubt, Google or follow…” is very normal. What is surprising are the references these parents turn to: because, in general, the most popular profiles in the “children, family and parenting” category are not professionals, but influencers who offer content that is more unrealistic and commercial than practical.
This is the case of Estefanía Unzu, alias Verdeliss, who has 1.4 million followers on Instagram and more than two million on YouTube. She is a mother of eight children, but this does not prevent her from running twelve marathons in a year (her personal “challenge”), traveling, spending summers in luxury resorts and advertising countless products. With so much activity, there is little time to impart advice or any reflection on parenting. When she does it, the formula used is to ask questions (“Is it appropriate to kiss your children on the mouth?”, “Summer or Christmas?”), to encourage participation. Sometimes, the influencer responds (“There is nothing more instinctive and emotional,” she says regarding the piquito to the children), but, in general, she leaves this task to her followers. She limits herself to displaying her happiness and, of course, her children, whose lives many fans know inside out. It is not in vain that some have literally seen them being born: Verdeliss has broadcast some of her births on YouTube.
Another family, the Coquetes, also succeeds in networks. On Instagram alone, the couple formed by Verónica Díaz and Javier Castillo have more than 500,000 followers. What are you offering? “The chaotic daily life of a young family, with three children,” she says. In tune with Verdeliss, the Coquettes show the births of the creatures and some tips for dealing with them: such as what to do to calm them when they cry or what is the best gift from Ratoncito Pérez. The tips are usually brief and have a sponsor behind them, who helps finance that domesticity in which the mother is the main protagonist.
The “internet-mums” phenomenon began at the beginning of this century in the United States. There reigned, for years, Heather Armstrong, nicknamed at the time “the queen of Mom Bloggers.” Unlike the idyllic environment of current influencers, Armstrong talked about her difficulties with parenting, her drinking problems, and her postpartum depression. Thanks to this confessional-maternal style, she triumphed: in 2011 Forbes included her on its list of the most influential in the media. For the New York Times: “It ushered in an era of women making themselves heard on the internet, able to make a living writing from their kitchens.”
This era continues: many mothers continue to tell their lives online and earn money, but things have changed. There is less writing, much more photography, and from the kitchen we have moved on to the beige living room, the resort, and the red carpets. The most successful mothers are no longer the ones with problems, like Armstrong (who died a few months ago), but the “perfect” mothers. Attractive women, with handsome husbands, who minimize the difficulties of parenting and live happily in impeccable homes. They are often of conservative ideology, like María Pombo (with more than three million followers) and Paloma Blanc from Madrid (7paresdekatiuskas), who also documents the life of her large, Catholic family.
Although not all of them are classic families: with more than half a million followers on Instagram Oh!Mamiblue tells the daily life of “two mothers, two children and two dogs.” The creator of it is chef Verónica Sánchez, who describes her account as “a speaker” for minorities. But, despite her vindictive message, the dynamics of this influencer are very similar to those of the aforementioned: cooking recipes, images of happiness, advertising, travel and, of course, children: the axis of all these accounts. Minors who expose themselves without hesitation, despite the fact that in Spain the law guarantees them the right to honor, personal and family privacy and their own image.
Curly Azahara, another of the star mother-influencers, has a somewhat more alternative look. Her more than 600,000 followers take note of her vegan recipes and watch her reels (mini-videos) in the shower, promoting shampoos. Also a former reality contestant, she defines herself as an “attachment” mother, although she does not give details of the reason for this label.
And the details are conspicuous by their absence in this world. After several hours of browsing the profiles of the most followed mom influencers, it is impossible to figure out what consistency there is behind the retouched photos, travel videos, beige, recipes and posts. It is surprising how little substance there is, how little useful information there is for something as important as parenting. Following Verdeliss or Curly Azahara will do little to help parents deal with infant colic or childhood tantrums. In a way, it’s as if the Hello! was a reference for raising.
In contrast to these profiles—which marketing calls “aspirational”—are those of experts: prescribers, but with practical authority. However, even these paediatricians, nurses, psychologists and midwives have to behave, at times, like influencers, and insert personal themes and a casual style into their narratives. And, as Anna Ramis explains, networks have socialized knowledge. Those who succeed do so not because of what they know, but because they have greater mastery of the medium: “Today’s experts are the influencers who are speaking to you as equals, not the person who has gone to university.” Therefore, if these professionals want to succeed, they have to master the resources of the networks: appear close, use reels, do giveaways… This implies that their messages will have more outlets and more followers.”
Among Spanish language experts, Álvaro Bilbao reigns, who has 1.7 million followers on Instagram alone, where he defines himself as “Neuropsychologist and father of 3 children.” His posts are informative, not aspirational, although some are made in domestic environments, such as the ubiquitous kitchen. Author of the best-selling book Children’s Brain Explained to Parents, Bilbao shows great ease in front of the camera and gives useful advice, which can be further explored in his online workshops.
Another highly followed professional, pediatrician Lucía Galán, also shows great ease on camera. Author of several informative books, she sometimes publishes snippets of her family life, but, unlike her influential moms, she talks little about herself and a lot about pediatrics. In fact, in one of the videos of her, dressed in her doctor’s coat, she clarifies that what she publishes on her networks: “It is science, not my opinion or my personal experience.” “I’m not an influencer. “I am a pediatrician and a writer,” she reiterates.
In each post, her followers – mostly women – pepper her with questions. By not being able to respond to them (on Instagram alone, Galán has more than 900,000 fans), users respond to each other. A curious hodgepodge then occurs, in which the initial information is mixed with personal experiences.
Another popular profile of a health professional is that of pediatrician Mar López. This Mallorcan has become famous for her very practical publications, which are exclusively about parenting.
Another healthcare worker with thousands of followers is the pediatric nurse Armando Bastida, who from his different platforms is a fervent defender of the so-called “respectful parenting”, a very powerful label on networks.
In fact, under the umbrella of this parenting there are dozens of profiles, such as those of midwives Laia Casadevall and Naza Olivera Belart, with more than one hundred thousand followers each. Both are an ode to the trend of natural parenting, also very popular on networks, and are dominated by images of home births and breastfeeding mothers.
A counterpoint is the Instagram of the Barcelona gynecologist and obstetrician Marimer Pérez, who is already followed by almost 300,000 people. From this network, the doctor reports on her discipline, with testimonies of her daily professional life. Her posts alternate with glimpses of her personal life: vacations, dances, and walks with the dog. Everything is received with enthusiasm by her followers. Pure internet.