The Apocryphal Gospel of Venables

In a couple of centuries, in some amphorae beneath what was the Camp Nou, later baptized as Döner Kebab Spotify Stadium, some highly valuable scrolls will be found. As happened with the discovery of the Dead Sea Scrolls, the beliefs of the followers of that religion felt a seismic movement at the base of their beliefs. In these amphorae, decorated with Turkish borders, wonders were found. An enlarged version by an unknown author of more than ten thousand papyri with the title From the Crusades to the False Nine. Why in Belén and not in Santpedor? A version of the Song of Songs in Catalan, German and English was also found, as well as a series of very controversial Gospels. The Gospel according to Nobita, the Gospel according to Amunike, The Gospel of the Joint Stock Company, also known as I Arrange It in a Roast, and the oldest and most fragmented: the Gospel according to a certain Terry Venables.

At first its authenticity was doubted. There was no documentary evidence to support the existence of an English coach, writer of detective novels and karaoke regular who had coached the Barcelona team. It is true that all those years before Cruyff’s arrival as first team coach and after, the emergence of Pep Guardiola’s maximum excellence, are diffuse and dispersed. Partly due to the systematic destruction and amnesia of the Cruyffistas and Guardiolistas, a sect of thin and nervous journalists who never stopped appearing on TV, talking about Cruyff’s arrival as the fall of Constantinople and the impulse towards the Renaissance, and before of it, barbarism and the dark ages. Remember that there are even those who argue in the rigorous magazine Sapiens that the Mona Lisa was painted by a Catalan ancestor of Johan Cruyff, Leonardo de Vichy and already with Titanlux. Let’s keep going.

We know little about this Venables. According to Evagenlio, he played in a pre-Cruyffist way that the public came to like him. He won a League brilliantly, he had a Scottish striker who headed you both in a corner and in the Up

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