Ten years ago, the video of a Yemeni girl running away from her parents because they wanted to marry her off against her will chilled our smiles. It is difficult for a distress message to contain such purity. The protagonist of her spoke with a maturity inappropriate for her 11 years; firm, vehement, with the moving sweetness that comes from knowing that you are on a precipice, still so small. Nada Al-Ahdal had seen too much: her older sister tried to commit suicide because she was going to be married at 13, and her aunt burned herself alive at 14. She preferred death to beatings with chains and continued rape of the husband of her
Nothing is an exception, he managed to “fix his problem” as he said in the video, “get a life”. But most girls forced into marriage for a dowry fail to escape. In the world, every twelve seconds a girl is forced to marry. Her destiny is alienating: slaves who end up asking for permission to be and venerate her executioners, accept the laws that annul them. As the mother of Nothing.
We met her in London – she has lived in England with refugee status for three and a half years – three weeks before Al-Ahdal travels to Barcelona to participate in the celebration of the 25th anniversary of La Roca Village. This has been the most committed mission of Elena Foguet, business director of Retail Value Spain: getting fully involved in the eradication of child marriage through the Do Good project, whose objective is to improve the lives of women and children.
Before starting the interview, I see a photo of a girl on her Instagram. I ask if it’s her; “No, she is six years old and has been raped in Saudi Arabia. I use my social networks to talk about these victims whose crime goes unpunished: no one is punished for it. The most horrible thing in the Middle East is that instead of punishing the rapist, they force the girl to marry him.”
Honor is still a man’s thing in many countries.
That’s how it is. A girl from Morocco was forced to marry her rapist, and she ended up committing suicide. Imagine the trauma it entails… Honor killings are tremendous, aberrational: you are allowed to kill your own sister, or your daughter with impunity. You will not be punished. He lawfully kills himself in the name of honor.
What remains of that girl who ran away from her parents and moved the whole world?
I don’t really have good past memories, because I voluntarily erased the first ten years from my brain… I remember running away, first from marriage and my family, and then trying to stay safe.
You never got to talk to your mother face to face?
My mother got married at the age of 14; she had no studies. So her life was very hard for her. Her mother married soon too. She was pregnant every year, we are ten siblings, a very, very poor family… we couldn’t afford three meals a day. So my father thought that marrying off his daughters would mean having fewer responsibilities on his shoulders, and, besides, we would each have a dowry. My sister almost lost her life for her…
Where is your sister?
They wanted to marry her off at the age of 13, and she told my parents, “If you force me to marry this guy, I’ll do the same thing my aunt did.” She was burned but we were able to save her life, unlike my aunt, who committed suicide by burning herself. And she left a daughter of hers… her husband beat her; he was a psycho. As he cleaned my sister’s completely burned body, my head clicked. Getting married didn’t mean a rosy life. When my wedding was announced I was shocked. I didn’t say anything, but I began to prepare my escape.
Do you feel nostalgic about your childhood in Yemen?
I don’t have very good memories of my parents; from a very young age, even before the problem, my uncle was the one who really took care of me. He is the only one in the family who finished his studies, university. He worked in the media, so he associated with women. And he read a lot about human rights. He was well aware of the importance of the role of girls in the future society, and he strongly believed in his rights… That’s why he was against the idea of ??child marriage. He went to talk to the one who was going to be my father-in-law to cancel it…
What was your future husband like?
I don’t need no husband… (laughs)
I know, but did you ever meet him?
No. He said that he had seen me playing in the street and that he liked me; so she began to think that I must be his wife. But I never got to meet him in person. I have no idea what it was like… I ran away after being told: “You are getting married in three days; this is your ring.”
How do i do it?
I went to see my uncle, but he wasn’t at his house and he wasn’t answering the phone either. I called his best friend. At first he told me that he couldn’t help me, to which I replied that he would find another way. When he heard me say it, he said, “Okay, wait, I’ll help you.” He took me with his sister to the city of Al Hudaydah. From there I tried to communicate with my uncle, without success; he was out of the country. So I thought I’d record a video and my uncle’s friend posted it on his YouTube channel. It had eight million views in three days and was translated into 40 languages. And suddenly the media was talking about forced child marriage. Everyone was talking about it. My uncle came looking for me. We went to the Ministry of the Interior in Yemen. There was no law to protect me, but the media pressured the government to do so. And, just like that, I was legally divorced. They took all responsibility from me and said “now go back to your parents”. And I started to cry. The BBC recorded that moment… I remember him just saying: “I can’t go back to live with my family”.
And he broke up with her?
My family got very angry because I confronted them at the Home Office and said ‘no’. Remembering it is still very painful (starts to cry). I tried to talk to my mother, I brought her flowers and a cake, and she threw them on the floor. She told me: “You are no longer my daughter.” She cost me many visits until she accepted me. It took us about two years, together with my uncle, to get them to think differently. And luckily none of my younger sisters are married yet. My mother told my father: “I am not willing to lose another daughter.”
Do you talk to your sisters?
And I help them financially: I am responsible for their food. With my small income I send them some food every month.
How did you get over such a traumatic experience?
At first I was just trying to live life, but there came a day when I started thinking “Why, instead of feeling like a victim, don’t I become a savior for other girls?” I started with small videos on Facebook and Instagram, to speak publicly about child marriage, violence against women and children, etc. I met the former Prime Minister, Salman Bin Abdulaziz, with whom I met several times. He recommended that I create my own foundation and told me: “I personally, outside of the government, will support it personally and financially.” He was 14 years old. He spoke to his team and told them “Do everything necessary for Nada to start his project”…
And then the war broke out in Yemen. They kidnapped her.
Yes, I was trying to travel to France, where they had written a book about me (they promised me the rights and never gave them to me). But the airport was closed because of the war. We went back to the hotel and ISIS kidnapped me at night, along with my uncle. We were blindfolded for three days. They separated us. I heard screams and shots and then silence. They questioned me: “Which country supports you? Is United States? Is it the UK that refuses to marry at that age? But then ISIS killed the governor of Aden, they had to change locations and they released us. Luckily I received an invitation from Saudi Arabia. I stayed living in a hotel for a year and a half. They supported me financially. I opened my foundation in Yemen from there. And we launched several programs to end child marriage, as well as another free education in English, to make sure that girls can explain themselves globally. We save and educate 600 girls.
Did they give you a refugee visa?
No, I did not get refugee status from any country. She had a multiple visa. Every six months I had to move. Refugees are not welcome in Saudi Arabia. But we have influenced so that the legal age of marriage is 18 years.
And how did you get to the UK?
My foundation won an award with For Girls and we came to the UK to receive it. It was at the beginning of the pandemic and then I realized that I couldn’t go anywhere. From Iran and Saudi Arabia I went to Egypt, then to Jordan and Kenya. There I broke. I couldn’t anymore. Here I have started a new life, in Newcastle, with my uncle and an adopted cousin. We call each other brothers, we are very close.
Where did you get the time to study?
I couldn’t study in any country because I didn’t have a visa. I learned English online, it was my only option. I stopped studying because of the war in Yemen and I have changed countries several times. I formally studied for a year, but then I started appearing on social networks and the director of my school told me that he did not want me and my ideas to influence my colleagues… and he recommended me to go online.
Do you feel like you got old too soon?
Yes. I grew up too soon and that shouldn’t happen. It is important to live childhood. It is a right. Why do they steal our innocence? But, on the other hand, it made me wiser and stronger. To speak for other young women and not be afraid, especially going to Turkey, Qatar, or Lebanon, to do it. Carrying out the foundation’s programs or giving interviews like this have made me more aware and empowered. Girls write me to tell me that they learn from me, and that keeps me going, no matter what. I know I didn’t have an ordinary childhood, but no Yemeni girl does. Also, the war caused us to grow up prematurely…
In Bangladesh 73% of women marry as children, while in Indonesia 50% think it is okay to marry with children… What role does education play in this problem?
Education is essential. And a fundamental right. We need to legislate it, raise the minimum age for marriage, define crimes…
And, faced with what he says, some still shield themselves behind the word ‘culture’…
But it is not… many societies use culture or religion as a justification. And if you don’t agree, you are insulting us. But not complying with human rights has nothing to do with culture. A culture should be full of information and knowledge, and not the other way around.
Cut ties with religion?
Yes, I don’t practice it.
How do you collaborate with La Roca Village?
With their Do Good program they share two important goals that I share: raising funds to end child marriage and raising awareness in the world of this problem. The 25th anniversary of La Roca Village is celebrated with an event to fight against child marriage, and do you know how many people will attend the event? A lot. From different countries. And televisions, newspapers and magazines will cover it. I feel very honored and excited to be able to work with them. This event will draw the world’s attention to forced child marriage. Every six seconds a girl gets married in the world. Girls who are sold under the name of marriage. Your future will be destroyed. When I discovered Do Good’s vision and values, I was blown away. I finally found a project with my same ideas, objectives and values. Your support is very valuable.
What is your big dream?
They say: “Dream to go to the stars and you will fall among the stars.” It’s my dream. It’s big, but I’m working as hard as I can to make it happen. We have just registered the foundation in the UK, and the 25th anniversary of La Roca Village will also help us establish it. My dream is to change laws and save all girls. That’s why I want to become a lawyer in international law. Not only to defend these poor girls in national courts, but before the UN. That is my dream, and I know that I can achieve it.
