“I hadn’t heard the term slow dating, but it makes a lot of sense,” says Greta (not her real name), 26, explaining: “Right now, the truth is that I prefer to get to know someone more slowly. I take my time. I don’t spend all day talking to someone I just met. I think that burns the magic.” In a world permeated by immediacy, are more and more people tired of throwaway relationships, considering escaping the throwaway culture and taking relationships over low heat?
“I really like taking the time to get to know the other person and be able to create a connection,” says Sebastián, 31 years old. Normally, if the first date goes well, they can share an interesting talk and he feels interested, he likes to meet again, not in a bar but “doing something different, like going to the beach, walking.”
“I think that quality is increasingly prioritized over quantity in the issue of sexual relationships,” says sexologist Sílvia Catalán and indicates that: “With the explosion of dating applications a few years ago, quick and casual relationships They were very fashionable. And it is true that it was a revolution, an opportunity to bond sexually with many people and have a good time. But I think people have gotten a little tired of the ‘What’s your name? What do you do?’ model. Well, come on, let’s get to the trouble and then everyone goes home.”
In November of last year, La Vanguardia published a report about how, after having reached its peak during the pandemic, the dating app business was collapsing. The young people of generation Z appeared as their main detractors.
For Greta, taking sexual relationships slowly means letting the sparks arise spontaneously, offline. “As I really don’t have a rush to meet people, I prefer to get to know them through people I have in common, on outings, places, spaces or activities I do,” he says and points out: “I don’t use dating apps because I don’t like immediacy.” . I don’t enjoy flirting on Instagram either.”
Rocío, 30, is also more about meeting people off the screen: “It depends on each person’s personality. I really like to socialize and talk to people. I prefer to meet a person face to face. I like to meet people in a bar, a club, a birthday. In a conversation you can easily realize if that can go further.”
But “simmer” dating could also apply to people who choose to meet people through apps. According to a survey by the dating app Bumble conducted in September of last year of more than 20,000 users, one in three (34%) people in Spain practice it, “prioritizing quality over quantity.”
Slow dating brought to the world of dating apps would consist of “choosing your potential partners in a more conscious way. Take time on the profile of each person who catches your attention and search among their tastes and photographs for those aspects that tell us that they may be an interesting person to know,” they say from Bumble and point out that it is “a movement that leads to 1 in 4 (25%) Bumble users to challenge those who approach dating as if it were a job search.”
Is taking sexual relationships slower necessarily better? “The issue of giving yourself space and taking time to get to know each person depends on what you are looking for,” says sexologist Sílvia Catalán and clarifies: “You may be in a more phase of sexual exploration, in which you interact sexually with different people, you test, you explore. Or at a time when you are looking for a long-term project or a stable relationship. The dating world has to go hand in hand with self-knowledge. I think it’s important to know what you’re going for and be able to be honest.”
“I think that taking time to get to know other people depends on the moment in which each person is,” says Rocío and explains: “I am single, my priority is to perform well at my job, rest well, spend time with my friends, enjoy and adapt to Barcelona, ??the city where I have lived for a year.”
Today he is not looking to be in a relationship or have dates. “I am open to whatever has to happen happening. And if I know someone with whom I can project and have something serious, great. But at the moment I am not in that situation, so I am not practicing slow dating. Yes, I have meetings with guys, but none of them interested me enough to go on a date, and dedicate all that time and energy to it,” she clarifies.
Although slow dating is not something that suits him today, he does not rule it out in the future. “I think it’s something that I would practice the day I meet a person that I really like, that interests me, that I want to hang out with, talk to and have a date with,” she says.
For Sebastián, “as time goes by, we become more demanding and we like quality time. I don’t like wasting time on a date with someone I’m not interested in. “I prefer to be with my friends or family.” When you meet someone who arouses a greater interest in you, you do prefer things to “flow slowly but surely.”
“When I meet someone I like, I do like to slow down and take my time getting to know them,” says Greta and clarifies: “I have different types of relationships. There are people that I see occasionally, very occasionally, with whom I do not consider having any type of relationship. In those cases, they are people I know more superficially and I don’t start talking more intensely because I’m not that interested.”
When there is real interest, the rush disappears. “In those cases, I prefer to go slower in every way. If it’s not something casual, I prefer that the sexual thing not be something from the first night, but rather a more expected, more beautiful moment,” he says and adds: “What I understood is that, if you go too fast, you burn through many stages. Then you find that you missed a very nice part of the relationship, which is getting to know each other.”
Although this thing about slow dating resonates with her a lot, she doesn’t think it’s a trend in general, “at least among people my age,” she clarifies and explains: “With dating apps and social networks, I see that there are a lot of immediacy. I don’t feel like it’s something most people do.”
Sexologist Sílvia Catalán points out that slow dating is a trend that she increasingly observes in her practice. “I really like that people can take the time to look a little beyond the physical part and really see if the other person is someone with whom they are aligned and with whom they fit,” says the expert and clarifies: “Not to have a life together, but to be able to be comfortable. And, if we are just going to have sex, we can talk, ask each other, tell each other how she has been doing, and have a good time together.”
