It is not a concept that is used in psychology to name a syndrome itself, but this dissemination term about emotional well-being has made a fortune due to its successful use as a metaphor for something that happens to us too much, especially when we are getting older. Rearview mirror syndrome refers to an excessive anchoring in the past, which does not allow us to move forward in a healthy and positive way in life.
“When a person is driving constantly looking at the rearview mirror of a car, they cannot look forward, because they only see what is behind them. The metaphor tells us that when we only look back, we cannot see forward: aspects of the past do not allow us to focus on the present or the future, the past invades us with thoughts, most of the time negative,” Teresa Moratalla tells La Vanguardia. , clinical psychologist and secretary of the Official College of Psychology of Catalonia (COPC).
According to specialists, of the 60,000 thoughts we have throughout the day, more than 95% are repeated and are negative. And the problem is that our way of thinking determines our way of acting. The toxic thoughts that feed rearview mirror syndrome at this stage of life can be diverse:
“If you have gone through workplace mobbing and you are focused there, without turning the page, you will not overcome your fears or your feeling of failure, you will feel that you cannot handle it, because you have not moved on from that situation and fill your life with other experiences. positive. They are thoughts that block and do not allow us to move forward,” according to Moratalla.
For Juan G. Castilla, clinical psychologist, doctorate in clinical and health psychology and disseminator at the College of Psychology of Madrid, these thoughts that lead us to the rearview mirror syndrome, “many times begin with “what if…” I had taken this decision, if I had studied this profession, if I had had this conversation… These are thoughts about situations that we cannot change.” According to the specialist in emotional intelligence, positive psychology and coaching, “we idealize the “decision making” that has not been made, since it does a lot of damage to our self-esteem with associated feelings of loss, nostalgia for better times, regret for what was not accomplished or depressive feelings. and bitterness.”
Personalities also influence the experience of rearview mirror syndrome, and there are some more prone to it. “Introverted people, who do not express their emotions, are more susceptible, although they can be seen in people of different personality types,” believes Moratalla. According to Castilla, it is possible that this syndrome – which is not a psychological pathology included in the DSM-5 diagnostic manual on mental disorders – affects more reflective and melancholic, perfectionist or obsessive, fearful or anxious people. Also to people “with low self-esteem, who find it difficult to overcome past difficulties.”
For Castilla, middle age, from 55 or 60 years old, “is the stage of life that allows you to have more analysis criteria and even more distance with important life decisions that one has made throughout one’s life: training, profession, getting married, having children, separating, changing jobs, place where you have lived…”. At this vital moment – he points out – “it is assumed that you have already made the changes or have made the most relevant and decisive decisions of your life… And it is good to sometimes do that reflection and value the good things and see how you overcame many difficulties.”
Moratalla agrees with him. “From 50-something onwards—the midpoint of life has been delayed due to increased life expectancy—they are moments of reflection, because you haven’t done things you wanted to do, you regret it, and you don’t have much left. time to turn it around. It is a moment of important evaluation, which makes some people make decisions to change their lifestyle, go to live somewhere else, get divorced…”, points out the psychologist.
We all think about the past, and it is not a negative habit because it helps us analyze and reflect. “Experience is a degree and gives us intuition and resources to see which path we should go,” says Moratalla, “but rearview mirror syndrome is suffered by people for whom the past has so much importance and so much focus in their life, that this “It doesn’t allow them to remain satisfactorily in the present or put resources into the future,” adds the specialist. “We only allow ourselves to be inserted in the past, in aspects that have to do with deep issues, experiences that may have caused pain, discomfort, experiences that due to things you have done or suffered, betrayals you have had or disappointments, that are “They remain focused and can cause trauma.”
People are not the same at 20 as at 30, 40 or 60. “Life gives us needs, difficulties, cycles, it tells you where you have to be. Your needs change and the events that make you blocked at an advanced age do not allow you to live with satisfaction,” says the COPC secretary.
One of the aspects that can cause rearview mirror syndrome at this age, starting at age 60, is the loss of friends or family members who age, become ill, or die. This leads to reflection, and it is not always positive. “There are issues at this stage of life that, if they are not overcome, stand out at this moment, when there is a death in our circle, when we retire, when the children are no longer there…” says Moratalla. “In addition, surely at 60 you can no longer start a new work life, or radically change your place of life.”
Despite this, it is also true that age can play in your favor, because as positive experiences accumulate, according to the expert, the negative ones are left behind. If the positive has weight in your life balance, you look back less and turn the page to the negative aspects of the past.
Just like looking excessively, the rearview mirror cannot collide with what is in front of us, becoming obsessed and focusing on the past makes us miss the present and the future. Logically, the solution to not allow it is to try to live in the now. As? Therein lies the big question to achieve a full life, and especially in adulthood, starting at 50 or so, when reflection on life can engulf us.
We review some of the tools that can help us leave behind the so-called rearview mirror syndrome, when it becomes a problem in our emotional well-being:
