"If there are children, when you separate you have to continue being a family"

When a relationship ends, the family does not break up, but rather changes its mold.

And if a third appears?

There were already previous cracks and that’s why another person fits.

And if there has been deceit?

There is a lot of suffering and the separation process is made extremely difficult.

The children are the silent witnesses.

That’s why you have to distinguish the roles. Your partner has failed you as a person, but they have not failed as a father or mother, and that is why you have to take a double look so as not to involve children in an adult war.

If you are hurt because your husband has cheated on you, the children perceive it.

It’s important that you give yourself permission to feel that pain and name it: I’m angry, I’m sad… but not share them. For children, the father and mother are their universe, and that must be taken care of so as not to harm them. You have to remain a family.

Complicated.

Although there are parents who can’t stand each other, there is a bond that they cannot break. The other occupies an important role in the lives of the children, therefore it is not about respecting the person from whom we have separated, but their role as father or mother.

And if they do not agree on the education of the children?

It is the most frequent, the ideal would be to be able to delimit red lines to the children agreed by both. Then the children adapt to the rules in one house and in the house of the other, but they must be clear, the arbitrariness generates a lot of insecurity.

How to communicate it to the children?

It is important to do it together to be able to offer them the vision that we are no longer a couple, but we will always be their mother and father, they need that security.

Are separations usually like the war of the Roses?

I cannot take care of my children in a separation process if I do not attend to all the pain that is causing me, because when we separate, all the wounds and gaps that have accompanied us since we were little remain raw.

It is a cataclysm.

We must seek help not to live from the role of victim that only allows you to survive.

How was your separation?

I separated when my children were 2 and 4 years old. It was very difficult because I got married thinking it was for life and I experienced it as a failure, but I was able to become aware that what united me with that person was not love but fear of separation, something very common.

Now he is professionally dedicated to helping to separate with conscience.

Yes, not to make decisions from inertia but from reflection and awareness of what the consequences will be for my children and for me.

People often lose their roles.

The separations are usually made from the wounds, and thus we enter into a battle of egos. You have to put the needs of your children before personal desires and anger.

We all adore our children, why do we do so badly?

Because we carried out the separation from the boy and the girl that we were and who was not cared for, who did not feel cared for… That pain that emerges is the greatest difficulty, that is why it is important to live this process as an opportunity to get to know each other and heal our history.

And meanwhile the children?

From the pain our vision becomes cloudy and we do not see our children, we only see the pain we feel, and they are emotionally orphaned. It’s not their job to take care of us.

Shakira and Piqué, have they done well?

If my parents are in a battle, I feel obliged to have to choose, and that is a situation of maximum vulnerability for them, and if one is the victim as well.

Better not to rant about third parties.

Getting along with mom’s or dad’s new partner usually generates guilt, they feel that if they love dad’s girlfriend, for example, they stop loving their mother. It is very important to let them know that loving a new person does not detract from the love they feel for their mother or father.

It is common for couples to use children against each other.

If one of the two represents that place where the children feel cared for, listened to, and can ask questions, it greatly repairs the damage that the other person can cause.

Give me some advice.

Create a WhatsApp group to talk about the children that have the photo and the names of the children to anchor us as mother and father.

Other.

Make them feel good about enjoying each other, so they don’t feel guilty for leaving mom or dad alone while they’ve had a great time. Not “I’ve missed you” but “I really wanted to see you!”.