A majority of us live with a chronic lack of time. The occupation of all hours of the day leaves little room for spaces that require a break. A stressful structure that, on many occasions, is transferred to the schedules of the little ones but, above all, limits the time that parenting needs.
Some parents end up doing things that their children can do alone in order to save time – or, at the very least, not “waste” it anymore. And what children should do, from putting on a shoe to managing a conflict, is solved and done by adults, anticipating that children will most likely do it wrong.
Sometimes we talk about overprotecting children, avoiding difficulties and saving them from going through moments of frustration. We know that this parenteral style, often the result of excessive control and many fears, leads to the growth of insecure children and young people with low self-esteem.
But it is also worth reflecting on whether insecurity or low self-esteem can be the result of immaturity and the difficulty in achieving independence. If not, they are actually the result of an education in which we have not given time and opportunities to learn. Even if it’s making mistakes, of course.
The accelerated pace of life, stress, overload of responsibilities, excess activities and other aspects linked to lack of time compromise parenting. But preventing children from making mistakes and doing things wrong does not bring any benefit: it only slows down their learning processes and development.
The consequences of not dedicating enough time to childhood growth and development are several. The most obvious is the immaturity that accompanies many students when they begin schooling. Not favoring autonomy is stopping its development.
In different studies, this generational immaturity materialized in different areas of development (language, social, emotional…) has been collected. And although the causes may be different, one of the most common is not giving autonomy to children. If we do everything to them, how are they going to learn to do it?
On the other hand, insecurities are generated, since children never perceive that they are capable of doing things on their own. They always have someone overcoming any obstacle in their place, avoiding making their own decisions at ages closer to adolescence.
This insecurity and immaturity that is perpetuated over time generates a lot of dependency in the present and future of these boys and girls, and contributes to them building a poor self-concept of themselves, which can make them unhappier in the future.
We can try to keep in mind that helping does not mean doing anything in someone else’s place. Helping is encouraging, accompanying, giving resources, offering strategies… but not for an adult to do something that a child or young person can do on their own or with support.
Some practical examples would be:
In short, becoming aware that not giving time today can cause us to have to invest much more time in the future.
Sylvie Pérez Lima is a psychopedagogue, professor and tutor of the Psychology and Education Studies at the Open University of Catalonia (UOC)
This article was originally published on RAC1.
