At home, food is very important and screen discipline must be followed to the letter. The less sugar and ultra-processed foods children eat, the better. And if they watch TV for half an hour, better than three hours.
But what happens when the parents have to go out and it is the grandparents who have to take care of the children? Can children do whatever they want at their grandparents’ house, or do we have to maintain the rules so as not to destabilize family coexistence? In short: are grandparents there to spoil their grandchildren, as they say?
Pediatrician and writer Carlos González assures that grandparents are the best nanny a child can have. “Obviously, if you have a diabetic or celiac child, you have to be very careful with their diet,” he says. “On the other hand, it is also true that there are people who are very strict about too many things. Grandparents already do enough taking care of you for free. You can’t be too demanding. And on the other hand, even if you pay someone to take care of your children “Do you think he’ll listen to you? Once the parents are gone, people do what they want,” he adds.
“The figure of grandparents is incomparable with any other,” explains Margot Fusté, child and youth psychologist, Founder of the PsicoSinergia Center and coordinator of the Relational Psychotherapy Working Group of the Official College of Psychology of Catalonia (COPC). “With a nanny there must be very clear rules. Grandparents, however, provide love, experience, tranquility and patience, and we must keep all this in mind and find a balance: there are basic rules that must be explained well and they must be able to be respected, because they go beyond upbringing.
“There are behaviors that can affect the physical or mental health of the child, such as inadequate nutrition or hours of screen time, but one must be aware of the resources that grandparents have to apply these rules and find a balance. Nothing hurts if it is exceptional,” he continues. “It is not that the grandparents are there to spoil the grandchildren. Parenting falls on the parents and the grandparents must accompany them, but with certain licenses of freedom. The children are very smart and know what they can do in some territories and in others.”
González, in any case, denies the older one and bets on the parents being more with the little ones. “What children really need is the presence of their parents during the first years, and it is what they have the least. They catch all the viruses in the world because they go to daycare from the age of six months,” says the specialist. “Grandparents will treat their grandchildren much better than in daycare.”
It is one thing to leave the children with the grandparents one afternoon to go to dinner or the theater, and another is when the parents can never pick them up from school and the grandfather or grandmother has to go every day. González maintains his opinion: “There is a problem if regular care falls on the grandparents and not the parents. We must rethink this because, with the delay in maternity, grandparents are getting older. And we should look for a way not to impose on them. this burden, because there are grandparents over 70 years old who get up very early to go to their children’s house and be ready to take the children to school at the right time. And, by the way, clean the house, do the laundry and I don’t know how many other things.”
“What could grandparents be doing wrong?” he asks. The expert clarifies that if grandparents hit children, it is evident that it must be avoided. “In any case, they are the father’s or mother’s parents, and you know how they behave. If you think your father was an abuser, don’t take your grandson to him.”
Fusté clarifies that a 3-5 year old child is not the same as a 12 year old, and that it will surely be easier to respect the instructions with a younger grandchild. “But if grandparents are very present in the children’s lives, parents should agree or negotiate with grandparents which concessions will be made and which will be minimized, for the correct development of the child,” indicates the psychologist. “All the love and values that grandparents give go ahead of some cookies or a croissant, if it is one or two specific days? Yes, but if it is three or four days a week, no. And sugar and the screens, the little gifts and material whims are added”.
The pediatrician approaches it in a similar way, but with nuances: “If we are talking about whether the grandfather lets him watch TV more or less, if he gives him more or less cookies and other things that perhaps you would not give him… Let’s see, you can try to give the grandparents a series of instructions, but you can’t be too strict because they are doing you a favor and they are the best caregivers the child can have. And, furthermore, they will pay you a relative attention,” concludes González.
This article was originally published on the RAC1.cat website