“I identify more with a conservative and traditional ideology, with the values ??postulated by Vox. My friend Pablo identifies with a more progressive ideology, close to the values ??of the PSOE”, explains Paula, a 19-year-old journalism student. Whenever they discuss the current political situation, they try to do it “as respectfully as they can and without disrespect”, says Paula. Is it possible to be friends with someone who has very different beliefs than ours? “It is possible and highly recommended to establish friendships with people who have beliefs or ideas different from ours, be they religious, political or sports”, says the psychologist and psychotherapist Lidia Viana Catalán, and assures that “cultivating this kind of friendships enriches us both personally and socially, as it contributes to the construction of a more diverse, inclusive and humane society”.
For her, these kinds of friendships “put us in contact with other perspectives and ways of seeing the world and, therefore, help us better understand the human complexity and reality”. According to the expert, they are friendships that bring us humility, flexibility and tolerance. In addition, they stimulate critical thinking.
“Having friends who participate in political, religious and social ideas that are very different or even opposite to what one thinks can be a great excuse to delve into one’s own convictions and subject them to criticism, while sharing friendship with someone that participates in the same kind of convictions atrophies the thinking muscle”, points out, for his part, the philosopher and professor at Ramon Llull University, Francesc Torralba. Paula is clear: “That our ideology is different does not mean that our friendship cannot exist. In fact, having a person with different beliefs by my side allows me to expand my knowledge much more”, she says. “I’ve always had friends who think differently, because I think it’s something that enriches”, says Mercedes, 42 years old, although she clarifies: “Before we could think differently and defend our positions with respect. Today it is more difficult, due to the current political tension. It’s as if there is a tacit agreement that friendship is over and certain topics are no longer discussed, because it’s complicated.” “In my class, we had a group of friends and suddenly two or three became Vox. All day they were saying things about immigrants, about women, about people from the LGTBI group. They get involved in a rather racist way with a group that affects me, because my mother is of Moroccan origin. It’s a very extreme thing. I don’t like to be friends with someone who has such a closed mentality”, says 18-year-old Yasmine.
“We tend to form closed circles, small ideological tribes where all members share the same implicit references. The network is full of ideological bubbles that are not connected to each other”, says the philosopher Francesc Torralba, and asserts: “We do this because we do not tolerate differences and we are disturbed by ideological discrepancies”.
The psychologist Lidia Viana Catalán explains that “we tend to make friends with people who feel more similar to us and who reaffirm our identity and our values”. According to the expert, it is because “it is simpler, more comfortable and more natural. To maintain a friendship with someone who has other perspectives, beliefs and values, you have to invest more mental, emotional and relational energy and effort.” She believes that it is an effort worth making, since “it will allow us to grow as people and build a fairer and more inclusive society”.
“Patterns of interaction and friendship follow an ethnic or religious logic, particularly among older or middle-aged people. But among young people, who have always been socialized in multi-ethnic and multi-religious schools, we find more diversification of social networks and personal connections”, explains UAB sociologist Avi Astor, expert in religious diversity in Spain.
“In Spain, there has indeed been a certain rejection of the settlement of some groups, such as the Muslim, especially in the 2000s, but there is less and less of it every day. There is already a certain acceptance of the country’s more diversified panorama”, points out the expert, although he clarifies that “it does not mean that there is no discrimination or tensions. But lately there haven’t been, for example, so many cases of mass mobilization of one group against others or episodes of ethnic or religious violence”.
Yasmine (18) is Muslim and always went to a Catholic school. “Most of the friends I’ve had have been Christians. At home, I was taught Islam, but in a fairly free way,” she explains. And he says: “I don’t think it’s something I have that should be a barrier when it comes to having a friendship or a love relationship. In our case, it meant nothing more than some difference when eating together.”
“When there are extremes, it is impossible. I’m a believer, but I’m not a fanatic. I accept science and I believe that religious fanaticism has led to terrible things,” says Mercedes. She is Catholic and her husband is an atheist. “We respect each other. “Religion is something that I carry in my privacy, which does not affect our day-to-day life,” she says.
What are the keys to a friendship surviving huge differences or rivalries? “We get bitten a lot, but they are stuck that don’t escalate much and don’t last longer than a match lasts. You need to know how to set a limit and that there are no bad rolls. If we see that we’ve messed up, we apologize later. Friendship is above any rivalry”, says Ana. She and her friend Paula are 21 years old and have been friends for over ten years. One is a fan of Futbol Club Barcelona, ??and the other, of Real Madrid.
“We are polar opposites in almost everything. But, even if we think differently and have very different tastes, we know how to put ourselves in the other’s place, we respect each other, we support each other and we don’t judge each other”, says Ana. And he adds: “If everyone thought the same or liked the same thing, it would be boring.”
“The key to friendship is not to try to convert the friend, to let him be who he is. A friend is not someone who must be ideologically colonized, but someone who must be listened to and respected, someone from whom one can learn”, says the philosopher Francesc Torralba.
Psychologist Lidia Viana Catalán explains that, for this kind of friendship to survive, it is important that there is active and respectful listening, tolerance and flexibility in the face of differences. In addition, it is key to respect boundaries, avoid prejudice, be empathetic, supportive and proactive in proposing and sharing experiences.
“Apart from respect, it would also be good if there was an interest in learning about my culture. That one day my friends come to my house to celebrate, for example, the Feast of the B e. There is nothing wrong with knowing and learning about the traditions of another country or religion. It’s something that enriches you”, says Yasmine.