Dear readers, we continue collecting concepts and words so that you understand us better beyond the Valencian social ecosystem. You can’t imagine how much fun it is and how much I enjoy it. There goes the second installment, daring without a doubt, because today we will address topics considered taboo, such as Mercadona and the Ofrenda. I also tell you that I am not going to stop until a judge calls me to order with a final ruling.
BARRIO DEL CARMEN: Emporium of tourist apartments where Airbnb and investment funds do whatever they want. A neighborhood once famous for its nightlife and culture, now converted into a theme park, full of tourists dragging trolleys and marking digital codes on doorways and ground floors to access the flats.
COFFEE OF THE TIME: Short or long coffee, to the consumer’s taste, served in a cup, with a glass of ice and half a slice of lemon on the side. It is called coffee of time for economy of language, to avoid saying: “With the hot weather in Valencia, how am I going to drink an incandescent coffee, the logical thing would be to drink it cold, with ice and lemon.” Don’t ask why, it’s like that and that’s it.
CALATRAVA, SANTIAGO: Famous Valencian architect, born in Burjassot, quite misunderstood in the cities where he has built. Had he been born in ancient Egypt, he would have been buried alive after his first commission. Not for nothing, but because it was customary to be buried next to the pharaoh.
CARREFOUR EXPRESS: Micro supermarkets aimed at tourists who invade the city. They have Badulake hours, a circumstance that local businesses and municipal markets do not share. There are countless of them scattered throughout Ciutat Vella.
FRANCISCO: Valencian singer, winner of the OTI festival on two occasions. His musical activity is limited to the albums: “Latino” (1981), “Cariño mí” (1982) and compilations of zarzuela and traditional music; also for being a regular performer of the official anthem, as well as the Valencia pasodoble (without an open accent). Despite publicly declaring himself a right-wing man, during the time of Rita Barberá he was pushed out of the balcony speakers by the pop-folk-kitsch singer, Vicente Ramirez, author of the quintessential Fallas anthem of all time. “VALENCE IN FAILURES.”
JÁVEA: Alicante town that will never, ever manage to normalize its name because of the vacationers. The Xàbia name operates only in the low season.
LEVANTE: Polysemous word with edges. Sig.1: Glorious football team from the city of Valencia. Sig. 2: Newspaper considered progressive during the last quarter of the 20th century. Sig. 3: Serious wind. Sig. 4: Form used by imbeciles, generally plateaus, to name the Valencian Community.
MADRILEÑO: A native of Madrid with an apartment in Gandía, who is loved for his extreme generosity in summer and long weekends. They constitute the vital support of the Valencian economy, which is why they are allowed to use our asses as parking for bicycles, since these are for the summer.
MARATHON: Fault fence of enormous dimensions to completely block the city, isolating entire neighborhoods for two days; while tens of thousands of people run on a blue carpet. The Kenyan who wins this year will win one million euros, for the majority of participants finishing the marathon is a personal challenge.
MENINFOTISME: Colorless and slippery primer that covers the scrotum and the enormous testicles of the Valencians, as well as the parrús of the Valencians, giving our people an amazing resistance to any improvement in their quality of life.
MERCADONA: Reviewable life sentence for supermarkets. They are Valencian but they don’t look like it. Even those who hate Mercadona end up buying toilet paper there.
OFFERING: Floral ceremony to the Virgin of the Forsaken on March 17 and 18. The remaining 363 days of the year, Valencia maintains its unwavering offering of new glories to Spain. Both end in tears and anguish. In the case of the Virgin it is due to emotion and feeling of failure, in the other, due to helplessness in the face of poor financing.
TOLOMON: Everybody.
XÁ (CHÁ): The Xé of Castellón.
(Will continue)
