Ugly sex, which causes unhappiness instead of pleasure, has been a bone that has been crossed between us between guilt and taboo. No healthy society sniffs between its neighbors’ sheets, but there’s no privacy worth having when sex becomes a weapon. You will remember the so-called crimes of passion in the 20th century, when the murders of partners and exes were related to the violent impulse of a wounded masculinity, that “I killed her because she was mine”.
I remember the time a super boss invited me to lunch and up to three times I managed to escape before the trap. With a sporty air, tanned and without a tie, he was a guy who, when he took the microphone in company meetings, was drunk with ego. It was not difficult to interpret his looks at that lunch and even less his hand, as playful as it was disgusting. I improvised a shiny shield and with a euphoric smile let loose the only way to say no that he could accept: “Look at my ring. I just got engaged and I’m happy to toast with you.”
There is no single reaction to this kind of invitation. Powerlessness, denial, paralysis, guilt, stress, anxiety, this is usually the emotional chain of a victim of ugly sex. In the first place, beyond justice or vendetta, the reparation of one’s own dignity is imposed. How many black bees, painful and humiliating stories have been revealed to me throughout my life by various talented actresses, and how few have come to light! Rapes at the age of eight, flirtations that ended in hard non-consensual sex, abuse of power and blackmail. “Don’t put that on, please, I’m going to die”, they begged me. A large part of these excesses came from men who seemed to be touched by the hand of God.
In Spanish cinema, a corporate industry with a lot of camaraderie and cronyism, everyone knows each other. Companionship is often confused with complicit silence, because desire continues to be deliberately and harmfully misinterpreted in the unwritten laws of the sexual contract.
Faced with the accusations of several women against the filmmaker Carlos Vermut, the voices of those who demand an immediate report have been raised, forgetting that the judicial journey of any woman, especially if she is well-known, becomes a real ordeal. The phobic wave towards real equality is spreading: “You’ve gone too far”, some colleagues say to me. In response, I invite you to review the data that demonstrates the wide gap. There are intellectuals who speak of feminist terror, and men polled by the CIS who refer to a conspiracy of women, as if seduction and respect were incompatible.
Another filmmaker, Armando Ravelo, has made some unusual statements after being accused of inciting sex and drug use by a minor. That happened a long time ago, but he admits that his personality was despicable. After years of rehabilitation, he stated to the Ser channel that he has left “many corpses along the way”. And he added: “We are in an era in which men must review our conduct.” Because the paradox that highlights our society confronts the security – in rights and freedoms but also in character – achieved by women, and the insecurity that this progress seems to cause in some men. It is not a question of impoverishing anyone. All that is needed is for the resisters, instead of feeling that they are losing privileges, to be encouraged to share them, in addition to celebrating our rights. They will enjoy better health. Just like Spanish cinema.
