“When a friend of my partner found out that I was pregnant, as soon as he saw me, he approached me from behind and went directly to touch my belly. Between the fright and the surprise, I jumped, as if not understanding what was happening. What’s wrong with them? Why does pregnancy seem to dehumanize you to the point of coming to caress a part of your body without even asking?”
Valeria’s words come just after completing her three months of pregnancy. At the age of 34, she will be a mother for the first time and thus she debuted in the world of uncomfortable caresses, the kind that pregnant bodies receive without asking for it, wanting it, and often without being able to reject it.
The growing belly appears to be a sort of community property. Nearby and strangers attribute the power to touch another’s body even without stopping to think about whether or not there is consent for it.
Some mothers experience it as an intrusion and others as a gesture of affection. In any case, it is time to reconsider this type of attitude.
What makes us believe that we can touch her belly as if it were something freely accessible? Why is it commonly used to invade a space as intimate as another person’s body and even plague it with comments, advice or opinions that we don’t care about? are they applying for?” asked Daniela Gastaldi, a specialist in perinatal psychology, university professor and director of Argentine Perinatal Psychology.
The invasive attitude towards pregnant bodies goes through cultural issues and already established paradigms. Sometimes spontaneity and even good intentions leave no room for reflection and, within this framework, the much-needed limit on respect for the body of the other is crossed.
In this sense, the professional explained that “as a society we have to understand that the pregnant woman is a person: she is not a body or a belly, but a person who feels, thinks and deserves respect.”
According to María Agustina Capurro, a clinical psychologist with a perinatal and reproductive orientation, “it is interesting how in general approaching the tummy is represented as touching the baby and/or the tenderness that this idea can arouse, even though what is being touched is the body of the baby.” the woman”. And she emphasized: “That should never happen without her consent.”
The specialist explained that “pregnancy is socially represented as a moment of full happiness, vitality and where everything is joyful. The story of the ‘sweet wait’ is deeply rooted and, although there are pregnancies that are experienced in this way, there are also ambivalences, discomforts and family contexts, relationships and in relation to one’s own body that are part of this moment”.
Rejecting that caress can be as difficult and uncomfortable as accepting it. However, the well-known motto “my body, my decision” and the de-romanticization of motherhood also cover these issues.
Lucía was walking down the street when another woman, unexpectedly and without saying a word, caressed her belly. Her face was transformed and there was no smile for that touch that she described as “violent”. When recalling that episode, the young woman said that although it serves as an example, the strange hands moving over her belly were a common practice throughout her pregnancy.
At the time, she maintained, she was not “empowered enough” to oppose such caresses. Today, she made it clear to her, she couldn’t accept it in any way.
Gastaldi stressed that “every pregnant person should know that they have the right not to have their privacy invaded, in any environment or context, that they can refuse to be touched by strangers and that they do not have to respond to comments that they find unnecessary, annoying or inopportune”.
Along the same lines, Capurro clarified that although the refusal to this type of approach will generate different reactions, always “respect for the limits of the other’s body is the main argument.” “Surely there will be people and areas where it will be easier and also better received,” he added.
Lastly, she mentioned that “even if the pregnant woman touches her own belly, we must keep in mind that this is a time of many changes and that asking is careful and respectful of the person, her moment and her story.”