In sexuality you have to recycle because if you don’t, you’ll end up with an adolescent sex.
Teenagers learn sex through pornography.
Those of today and those of yesterday. Unfortunately the reference remains the same, when in reality pornography is a show. If we recorded ourselves with a camera we would see a crappy representation of porn.
I understand.
In general, there is no connection with sensuality, with intimacy, that is, an erotic sexuality with nuances. The sex that is practiced is summarized in beginning, middle and end, and that is a very limited sexuality.
And a bit boring?
The Spanish average of this process is 20 minutes. The preliminaries are nothing more than a way to reach intercourse, and that path drawn for many women bores us.
so, what is it about?
From learning to have resources, awakening the erotic, introducing the breath so that the energy moves beyond the genital. Kisses and caresses is also sexuality, not everything has to lead to intercourse.
And to enjoy we need a partner?
No, learning to take ownership of our own pleasure is essential, and women have a huge journey to discover in sexuality. Female empowerment has to do with economic independence, but also emotional and sexual.
And the men?
They are still gripped by the fascination with porn and like to reproduce what they learn there. Do you know what happens?
…
That it is very difficult to find a good lover because we have not had this sexual education, therefore you have to learn to understand what your sexuality is like and become the owner of it. Women have a very different sexuality from men.
What must we discover?
What are our times and rhythms. We shouldn’t try to look like men who can orgasm in three minutes. Sex toys are great but we shouldn’t depend on them either; we must learn to eroticize our body and not go directly to the genitals.
Tell me.
The clitoris needs 20 minutes to swell and therefore we need to learn to have a type of connection with our body where eroticism is the protagonist.
Does the female body need time?
It is one of the great differences with man. When we get into shared intimacy, if you’re straight, you shouldn’t depend on what’s done to you, because if sex is being kissed, sucked on, and penetrated, I understand that a lot of women don’t want sex.
…
Let’s call it masturbation or self-love, but you have to know your body and give that to yourself, and masturbating is not pounding the clitoris.
Explain to me how to eroticize my body.
Simple, incorporating eroticism into your life. If you are stretched out on the sofa watching a series, you can caress your legs and hips. When you put cream on your body, let it not be a mechanical thing, let there be a connection with your body.
I understand.
When you go to sleep touch your body a little, your breasts, place your hand on your pubis and take three breaths there and notice the connection with your vulva.
And that’s it.
Yes, don’t look for anything else, incorporate that kind of touch into your day to day until your body without anxiety asks you for more. In reality it is the same thing that we have to do with the couple, to gradually generate that connection.
So mobilize the hip.
Yes, play music that activates your pelvic floor, percussion rhythms, African music, those types of movements make you lubricate. Introduce the smells, myrrh, jasmine, flowers, all of that helps to stimulate.
A bit of hedonism.
That of the lack of lubrication in menopausal women is easy to fix, you simply have to keep the pelvic floor active in your day to day.
For you and for you?
If you’re not used to being your best lover, as soon as there’s a bit of chemistry with someone, you’ll get hooked. It is important that we are very nourished in our eroticism so that we are selective. And when we’re in a relationship, going from zero to one hundred can work at first, but it doesn’t last.
There are women who withdraw from sex.
A woman who knows how to give herself pleasure – we have a great capacity to feel it – does not withdraw from sex. A woman connected to her sexuality is more connected to life, she has a strength that does not lie in lipstick, heels or neckline and that is independent of bodies and age.
