Thinking too much is a real headache. There are people who are often lost in their own mind, mulling over thoughts and obsessions that do not always make sense, but that they cannot control. Have I worked enough today? Have I offended my friend with that unintentional comment? What happens if I get fired?
According to American psychotherapist Erin Leonard, there are three possible origins for this overthinking. In an article published in Psychology Today, she says that “knowing where overthinking comes from and why it happens can help you cope better.” According to the expert, these causes are worrying a lot about personal relationships, going through a life stage of changes, or so-called “strange concerns.”
There are people who pay close attention to how their actions and words affect others. “When you realize that you may have done or said something hurtful, you quickly seek to take responsibility and repair the break in the relationship,” notes Erin Leonard.
Now, these qualities of emotional intelligence are very positive when you interact with another person who also has them, but the opposite occurs if your interlocutor is emotionally inaccessible, with self-centered behaviors and defensive, selfish and hurtful attitudes. “They play the victim and label you the antagonist. Your reality collides with the reality of your loved one and because you look at yourself, you wonder if you are wrong, even when you are not. The dynamic can cause an eruption of overthinking and can be miserable,” warns the expert.
The solution to this situation? “Take some time to assess the emotional safety of this relationship. It might be time to set some healthy boundaries.”
Another common cause for thinking too much is going through a new vital phase, such as moving abroad, a divorce, a retirement… This alters our sense of identity with respect to certain elements that served as an anchor. “While necessary, walking away from these things results in temporarily shaky self-esteem. The brief, but destabilizing phase, can cause a wave of excessive thinking, ”explains the psychologist.
Fortunately, this is usually temporary. “It takes time, but your sense of self will integrate the new to fill in the gaps left by the old. It will likely level off again and the overthinking will subside,” he promises.
Finally, it is common for us to be invaded by strange worries, intrusive thoughts that apparently do not make sense and we do not understand their origin. How to believe that you are going to suffer an accident. According to Erin Leonard, these thoughts may stem from past trauma that, even though it has been overcome, has changed our brain.
“The experience is so harrowing that your mind has a hard time accepting that anything at any time can happen and turn your world upside down,” he says. To get out of this tunnel of dark thoughts, “the most helpful thing you can do right now is to help your brain switch channels. Immediately think of something really attractive but a little dreamy ”, advises the psychologist.
