Does the person you are meeting reply to many messages in a row in a loving way and then stop replying for three days? Does he make plans for the future with you and then cancel them with some excuse? Or maybe she refuses to talk about your feelings? If these situations sound familiar to you, it is very likely that you are suffering from breadcrumbing.
This English term can be translated into Spanish as “leave breadcrumbs” and is applied to patterns of toxic relationships. While ghosting consists of the person suddenly disappearing completely, in breadcrumbing he offers you small moments of attention and affection randomly, in a kind of intermittent reinforcement, being aware that there are no feelings, no real commitment to establish a stable relationship with the other.
Breadcrumbing resembles the behavior of giving one lime and one sand. As soon as you receive attention from that person, suddenly you don’t know anything about him or her for a while. The psychologist and sexologist Emma Ribas explains in her blog that it is a very widespread type of psychological manipulation.
“It is a way of seducing that hooks and generates a lot of discomfort in those who suffer it, in which a person plays with you giving you emotional ‘crumbs’ so that you do not forget them when they are not there,” he emphasizes. “It’s a ‘now yes, now no’, it seduces you and leaves you… but it always comes back. And the situation repeats itself in a loop. That is, give the minimum and just enough so that you continue thinking about her and the relationship you have. It is a type of psychological abuse, which leaves your self-esteem very low, ”he adds on his blog.
Those who carry out this toxic seduction are usually people with evasive attachment ties and false self-esteem, who resort to this manipulation motivated by their ego. Likewise, they lack affective responsibility. For their part, the victims cling to the false hope that the relationship can prosper, while “it is a mirage”, in the words of Dr. Ribas.
The psychologist Marta Martínez Novoa compiles in a post on her Instagram account (@martamnovoapsico, with 371,000 followers) some clues to recognize when you are being bradcrumbed.
