One member of the couple is passionate about going on nature trips, while the other person is lazy. Or maybe one party is a devoted basketball lover and the other person doesn’t find it interesting at all. A priori, this should not be a problem… until this discrepancy of interests becomes an obstacle for the relationship to work.
This happens, for example, when the hiking lover begins to find it annoying that his partner does not want to accompany him on the routes, while the other party is angry that his life partner prefers to spend time in the mountains instead of other activities. together. Although at the beginning of the relationship not having certain common interests may not seem important, in the long run it tends to be an impediment to the functioning of the love bond.
Psychologist Stephen J. Betchen reflects in an article published in Psychology Today on the importance of shared interests in relationships, echoing his experience as a marriage therapist. And his opinion on the matter could not be clearer: “I think differences in interests can cause serious problems in relationships.”
He states that “if a couple cannot tolerate the time and money that their partner spends on a hobby, it can become a source of conflict.” “When two partners have the same or similar interests, life is easier for the couple. Better yet, if they share a passion for the same interests, this can unite them for years,” says the psychologist.
Dr. Betchen does not only talk about sharing interests, but also about the importance of doing so to the same extent. “The degree to which an interest is shared is also an important factor and couples need to negotiate and manage any significant differences. Partners do not need to match perfectly, but they do need to be close enough to enjoy what they have in common,” he highlights.
Thus, the therapist insists that “couples who have similar interests to a similar degree tend to have healthier relationships. These partners show interest in each other, think alike, share passion, enjoy similar adventures and, in the end, create bonds.” In fact, to support his argument he cites an article published in the same magazine by psychologist Ann Gold Buscho, who reported that the lack of common interests is one of the main reasons why a marriage divorces.
